DAY OFF

And what a day. Still broke and waiting for pay day I went back into town cause the guy at the Leicester Square Timpsons failed to cut a key correctly and I needed him to do it again. The key he cut as a replacement also didn't work. I hate him. He looks like a large version of the boot makers elves crossed with something out of A League of Gentlemen or something with brown gack all over his glasses. I also visited the Photographer's Gallery which wasn't a lot, then went and had a piece of rhubarb tart at PAUL and a really horrid coffee. After that I went into an antique etching and print place and asked the nerdy guy "I'm looking for pictures of naked ladies or tea parties." I mean what else would I want? A 'Negro' boxer, a prize winning horse or a battle scene - hardly. Anyway the poor guy blushed his face off and couldn't even bring himself to to say 'naked ladies' to his female boss [I bet he is big into vintage porn]. She sent me off to Cecil Court where I found some amazing plant lithographs and maps of Tasmania from the olden days. I didn't buy anything though. I will definitely go back though. I couldn't help but think of the rude man in Paris who has the shop selling old photographs in is it the Marché des Enfants or something? I so feel a trip to Paris coming soon.

Anyway - got home, had a nap but got woken by Superduck asking me about the name of a Café in Paris - which apparently has great hot chocolate. I don't even drink hot chocolate. Then OMG who should appear online by my old friend Noodles who I was able to swap some timely gossip with about one of the more highly strung ex's of my days and a lot of snorting ROLFing done on my part. Noodles also gave me the missing link to a mystery I have been trying to investigate for the last couple of weeks. So I was straight back on the phone to Superduck who could make like Craig David and Fill Me In. Superduck could assure me that XXCENSOREDXX is a piece of work and XXCENSOREDXX only goes for trophy men. HAHA. Good luck to XXCENSOREDXX then. To wind up the conversation, Superduck then went to tell me he wanted to jizz on Maude's face cause she is so cute, sweet, innocent and lovely [it is his cat] and take picture of it. Cool. Thankfully though he sent a text later telling me that even though he was trying hard and was thinking of XXCENSOREDXX Maude's little furry face really put him off and he couldn't do it.

And to put the lid on the day, Mr Chips has been making me a couple of videos on Facebook after we told each other to 'Get Fucked' the other day. In one of them he sang a little song along with what he calls his 'Paedo iPhone Piano' where he said I was like a cat stuck in a petrol can. Which I thought was a very accurate description of me sometimes - I can be that prickly.

All in all I have really enjoyed my day off. I hope to goodness that Oscar is in the office tomorrow. He is the cutest dog in the world.



I have worked in some offices where there have been dogs that have been nothing but trouble - pissing and shitting on the floor, constantly barking, biting people, chewing up staff's belongings - really badly trained dogs. Oscar on the other hand is just perfect! He has such a lovely nature and he is so friendly I love it when he sits at my desk and does my work for me. And I am going to see him tomorrow.

Oh cool - I just got another video from Mr Chips. He told me he is going to shoot me in the face and stab me in the cunt! Mr Chips really puts boys like Prancehall back in the playground when it comes to beef.

xx Lektrogirl

TEKI LATEX

ROTFLOL



The only thing that would make this picture of Julien more perfect would be if he had his dick out in his left hand. I really want to go to Paris soon, and if Bitch Ass Darius comes in June, then I guess that is definitely gonna happen while we go and get all New Jack Swing with the Diamond Grills Boys.

xx Lektrogirl

THE DOOR-ZZZ

You know that band The Doors? Well this story is about as interesting. And it kind of leads into something else I want to show you. Which has nothing to do with the last thing I want to tell you. Firstly however is a video for you to enjoy of someone enjoying The Doors.



[looks a bit like Vincent D'Onofrio if HE was playing the character in The Wedding Crashers that Owen Wilson played where he gets all depressed cause he thinks he has lost the girl.]

So here is my story:

My mother said "Oh that's great! What are you going to do with The Door. You can put it under your bed!!"
Do you wanna know how unwieldy The Door is? Basically, it is exactly the same size as a door frame and incredibly heavy. Really heavy hard wood.
So I drag The Door around in an attempt to put The Door under the bed. In fact, I spend the evening watching CSI and Law and Order looking at The Door out of the corner of my eye thinking "The Door is really long? Is it actually gonna fit under the bed." Indeed The Door was too long to get under the bed. By less than a centimetre. And I don't mean it hung out the end of the bed and I couldn't handle it [though if this were true it would also be TRUE!] I mean that no matter which way I tried, the door was too big, the angles were not right, there was no was I could get The Door under The Frigging Bed. At one point I was even jammed in the bedroom with The Door wedged between the foot of the bed and the door of the room at a steep angle and with all the strength in the world, I almost couldn't move The Door.
With one bruised foot I dragged The Door back to the hallway. I won't even enjoy cutting the stupid thing in half.

Now back when I was at college, people who were into The Doors dressed like this:

Only fast forward to No Hate in 08 and dudes who dress like this - what are they listening to? Well this guy listens to DUBSTEP!! Wow. I know this because he had a CD in his hand BOX OF DUB / DUBSTEP AND FUTUREDUB.
Look at that cardigan.
Look at how his feet are on not on the floor nicely in front of him.

One I rang up a number for a man looking for a woman to go on a date with on an investigatory dare from C.I.B. I wasn't dating anyone and she was with Hot Dog. We picked a guy from The Guide weekly listing thing. So I called and listened to the guy's message he left for me. "Hi I'm blah blah years old. I work at Skoob, which is a bookshop. And I'm going bald, but I don't CARE." We didn't go on a date. Anyway, I imagine at the time that Baldy Skoob man looked like the Dubstep Man.

I'm cooking a fish supper for three wimmin tomorrow night. I have big plans. Let's hope I fair well. Mussels, chermoula and amaretti... Let me leave you with a wimmin's issue, a Chick With A Gun, Pippa Brooks giving it her best shot [literally]:

Pippa looks so much like Detective Calleigh Duquesne from CSI: Miami. And yeah - she hits the bullseye.


Oh and a cool Paris sticker I bought in Paris once years ago.

xx Lektrogirl

MINT AERO

Today many things were longing me out. No internet, jobs piling up, meetings, notes. BLARGH.

BUT then something lovely happened. My number 1 assistant told me that he would take me on a date [I was whinging at lunch and he was joking] then blushed. Then I asked him to get me a chocolate bar from the shops if he really meant it. He said that I was the kind of girl who liked expensive chocoalte though. I told him that I like cheap mint chocolate and an Aero would be amazing. Number 1 assistant came back from the shops, got down on his knee and gave me the chocolate bar. He knew I was down in the dumps today. What an amazing dude. Then I asked me where he would take me on the date. He told me Paris. I asked him if he was going to take me up the Eiffel tower. Sniggers all round the office. I asked him if it was going to be a day trip or a whole weekend away. He said that it was going to depend on how hard I was to crack. Mega LOLZ. I laughed for ages about that.

Then the second amazing thing happened - XXCENSOREDXX sent me a random email! Hello! Good times.

xx Lektrogirl

HOME AGAIN

I'm back from Paris - it was amazing! I didn't do loads of shopping for clothes - my bags were too full of samples. Instead I bought loads of jewellery. I was flipping through the pictures on my camera on the train home and I really didn't take many this trip -which is not at all like me! So in a snap decision I thought it would be a great idea to do a photoshoot in the toilets of the Eurostar featuring my new jewellery.


I was born in the Chinese year of the Rat. "Being the first sign of the Chinese zodiac, rats are leaders, pioneers and conquerors. They are charming, passionate, charismatic, practical and hardworking. Rat people are endowed with great leadership skills and are perhaps the most organized and systematic of the twelve signs."


Bijoux By Sophie. The shop that sells this jewellery is always closed when I'm in Paris. This time it was open and look what I got!!


My new bakelite cicada. There was a whole felt covered in them at the antique jewellery store. I'm now in love with it and will collect more. I daren't tell you how much this was...

xx Lektrogirl

SERIOUSLY LAGGING

Today Goon and I are sitting at the stand with our eyes propped open with matchsticks. I'm sure that Katharine and Roxy are probably the same on their plane to New York! I heard them getting up at the hotel around 5am this morning. I had only got back from the party about an hour before.


Our stand.

As always it was so cool to see my dog Koyote. And as always he had some beautiful things to say to me. Last time it was he thinks I dance like a German girl. This time he found it hilarous that Paul dumped me twice. Then he was kind of inferring by vibe that I was a salope, [I couldn't deny it outright but would have liked to] and then when I explained that my life has changed he called me a "Retired Slut". It makes me sound like j'ai une chatte comme les abricots secs.


Connard qui j'adore.

Also, Fanny came and she wore her KH tshirt too! Here is Goon telling you all what to do - send me an email and tell me how you are.


The new E t-shirt is gonna be a big hit guys. Believe dat.

xx Lektrogirl

I'M NEVER COMING HOME

C'EST TROP RUPTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today there were four meufs who where super excited to see all the Katharine Hamnett stuff - They were saying it was really new rave. Then they said "C'est trop RUPTURE!" which means nothing but sounds awesome. Teenie Slang.

Today on the stand was again good for sales - but there is still loads of time for making trouble. Tous les PD's aiment Goon! Mais il n'y a pas assez des hot straight guys. I made Goon horrified with stories of guys I had slept with who got really small penises. Then YSL's old boyfriend came to the stand to meet Katharine. He is the president of Fashion or something in France.

Now I am watching Italy play Les Blues le foot with Goon eating ham and cheese sandwiches. Soon we go and meet Koyote and chill at some party. But not too late cause we gotta start the stand at 9am again tomorrow...

xx Lektrogirl.

NO MORE FASHION VICTIMS

WOO HOO IM IN PARIS

And I am so sorry for not being able to update my blog as regularly as usual. Today I saw some old man with only two half legs burning along the road in a mechanised wheelchair that had a bumper sticker "i heart coffeeshops" and on the train into Paris was some Frenglish graffitti "NO MORE VIOLENT". Goon is here with us and I can give him hugs all day and tell him I love him and wish I saw him more often when we aren't busy selling. I've been spying on the two guys in the Loomstate stand - kind of cute! - and the quality of French men is ASTOUNDING as per usual. Katharine has been outrageous - if we don't keep an eye on her she runs off every other minute to have a fag outside and once we had to call her and say "Where are you?" and she had decided to hang out with the security guard called Camel and get him to check peoples bags for something to do. I got the morning off today and spent some time sitting in a cafe drinking coffee and eating tartine getting to check the split ends in my hair - sounds boring but I was loving it - a total change of pace from the hectic spin of the show. And then bizarrely I ended up buying a bunch of stuff in the SONIA RYKIEL ENFANTS store - all for myself - weird pompom brooches and a belt that I'm gonna wear as a headband. I havn't hit any knicker shops yet - I'm saving that for Monday which I will have all to myself.

More soon when I can.

xx Emma

YOU'LL HATE IT ANYWAY

Even though most of you Englishes hate the French and even more, hate French rap, this is my blog and I love France, I love French men, I love TTC [but I hate French women and any squat toilets remaining in France.]

I find this hilarious.



"Teki" is so ugly I can't believe it.

My father also hates the French however and says "At least I can respect the Germans. In the war, at least you knew whos side they were on. The French could never make up their minds." My father is 80 and lied about his age to join the army at the time of WWII. Ask him about the Maginot Line. He nearly cries laughing.

Wikipedia says: Generally considered one of the great failures of military history, the term "Maginot Line" is now sometimes used as a metaphor for something that is confidently relied upon, but ends up being ineffective. External observers came to believe the French propaganda: the line would make France impervious to invasion. When France fell in only a month, the blame was squarely laid upon the line.


Would make a great cubby house. but so inneffective it wouldn't keep your little sister out.

xx La Lektrogirl

P.S. To all the Frenchies out there [at least the ones with regular toilets] JE T'AIME. If you wanna take me to one of these little cool cloches and make out just lemme know.

PARIS POTTY

I'm back from Paris and so frickin' proud of myself for managing one of these old style squat loo's there you wouldn't believe it.

It is a long story that started many years ago when I guess I was like 8 or 10. We used to go campling at this awesome place called Park Beach every so often at our parents friends shack in Tasmania. I used to LOVE this. Often we'd play Dukes of Hazzard in the sand around the shack with Matchbox cars, dig really deep holes in the sand dunes, and stick our fingers in the sea anenomes in the tide pools. I remember some involved game about Ed the talking horse that covered all these bases. What I wasn't so keen on was the portaloo thing that we had to use. A bit like Glastonbury. Gross. On an urgent visit to the loo, I had a really big freak out experience where a little frog got caught between my foot and my thong [flip-flip or jandle depending on your country.] It was cold and a bit squishy. Then the toilet was totally overflowing and I really needed to pee and was quite traumatised. So then my mother was getting all mad with me cause I was getting all upset. Like stress oder was?! I had to squat in the bushes. I refused to do it wearing thongs in case I got wee on my foot so I was wearing wellington boots. Somehow I managed to piss entirely in my wellingtons. Not a good look. From that day on, I believed I was anatomically incorrect and unable to wee squatting.

The next time this became an issue, was when I was in Tokyo in 1995. I was so worried. But I did it!! In jeans!! WOO HOO!! Only that is 12 years ago now.

This weekend in Paris I was out walking and suddenly dying for a piss. Being in a quite touristy area all on my own, everywhere had signs saying "TOILETS ARE FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY" so I picked somewhere to get an omlette mixte and before I sat down I asked to nip to the loo. I was fit to burst. I opened the door only to be faced with the most archaic loo I have ever seen in the Western world. It also smelt that way. I had no choice. My omlette was cooking... BUT I DID IT. I was so thrilled I even sent Mum a text. She wrote back "Go girl". At the end of my meal, I even wanted to say to the waiter "Thanks for the mega experience dude." But I didn't.


xx Lektrogirl

Les Matins de Paris

Teki Latix featuring Lio:


Back at my desk this morning with a pile of stuff to do, and my head is full of this!!

You wanna see Lio back in the day, click here.

xx Lektrogirl

Top Sausages / Diamond Grilling

I'm going to Paris this weekend to hang out with my friends DJ Goon and Koyote who are holding the 6th Diamond Grilling party. [See flyers below.] Awesome.

OHHH SPIRITUAL - Warren G just came on my MP3 player. No messing.

It is nice to see LuLu Deluxe has uploaded the Wayne and Trev comics to Flickr. Folks - Australia is JUST like this:



Check the whole set here. Wanna root?!

TOP SAUSAGES

1] Sausages with Lu for breakfast in Dresden

2] Migros sausages smuggled back from Switzerland

3] Pork and Fennel sausages from the Italian Deli near work

4] Any sausages cooked on a barbeque within 2 metres of an Eski packed full of Cascade lager. Or Boags.

5] Salami is also not bad

6] Those fucking Weissewurst that the dudes made me eat with my bare hands in Hamburg. AWESOME!

And so here is Diamond Grilling:




xx Lektrogirl