BEST ON OFFER?

Bored, I checked out the H&M style guide and came up with this classic outfit. Oh God.

In other news, XXCENSOREDXX told me all about how he gave a blow job to a middle Eastern cab driver. All went well - BUT THE CAB DRIVER STILL CHARGED THE FARE!

Massive LOLS

xx Lektrogirl

MASSIVE TOP SECRET LOLS

I spent a day this Bank Holiday weekend hanging out with XXCENSOREDXX who told me in the strictest confidence about one of the most embarrassing things that could possibly happen when you are in bed with a guy for the first time [other than having your period or not having your period but realising you had an old tampon inside of you FOR EXAMPLE ONLY!] XXCENSOREDXX awoke early only to fart and shit her pants in bed right next to a totally hot dude that she has been trying to get with cause she thinks he is totally banging. Like OMG! Fortunately there were only two stains on the sheet about the size of mini Post It notes [I made her draw a diagram on a piece of paper while choking back a laugh] and the guy slept through the hole thing. XXCENSOREDXX was worried that the guy knew what happened and I told her "Don't worry. A guy does not hang out all day with a girl who shit the bed right next to him on the first day. I'm telling you he does not know."

Then the pair of us were killing ourselves laughing.

XXCENSOREDXX is good like that. She's a good one. So - even though it might seem I am reporting back a piece of 'juicy gossip' I actually appreciate the fact that she is a kind of 'no shit' kind of person and talks about just 'doing her own business'.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. But yerrr also a hilarious story. I am glad I have real girlfriends.

NEWS ROUNDUP

Oh Allah where is my time going these days? I have been in CSI K Hole, or more to the point, first series Law and Order Criminal Intent when Vincent D'Onofrio was the most hot. But even when he was a bit bloated I would still do him. I was so pleased to see him in the first episode ever of LAW CI that I had to text Pippa while she was waiting outside Regines to get in! Of course a brief text message about his babeness ensued.

Anyway news round up:

Went out for a drink last night and my mate told me after much prodding from me - she was trying to pretend that I didn't ask the question about 4 time - that XXCENSOREDXX has a dick that she described as "tubby". And I guffawed so much that I begged her to let me post it. She said so. And I actually was begging saying "Pleaaaaase!!" Always the lady, she was telling me "No" but like a child I whinged until I got away with being allowed to say this much.

Valeria my Parisian partner in crime arrives on Friday evening. The excitement is almost too much. Particularly as Covvo already got here last Thursday back from Berlin and Mrs V will follow her soon after at in April. THE ORIGINAL LADY GANG WILL BE BACK IN BUSINESS!! As for the present Lady Gang [Mrs Kipling, Mrs Gorman, Madame, The Cardinal etc] I am still waiting for a date for the next dinner party!

Also have been having some good Internet chats with some Internet Porn Artists - a guy called Serigio Messina [more later] and a woman called Barbara DeGenevieve [more later]. Had not such a nice chat with Prancehall who told me to "fuck off and die" for no apparent reason on Throwawayfuck.com - I didn't even realise I was still on his radar.

Last but not least!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!! I walked past and there he was. I could not believe that HE was outsite sitting with HER!!!!!! Unfathomable. But I will have to work it out in the least stalkerish way possible.

xx Lektrogirl

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB #21

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 10 January 2009 00:25
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: g'day, and g'day to you an'all. 1/4 to 11a.m. here, guess y'r in the scratch escaping from the cold and farkin snow?


That was a long and interesring e'mail, shagger. I like to read about your pursuits that haunt you dailySpecially about your mates who fall out about'usually' fuck all. Talking about cold, you'ld get a shock if you were home here, the Summer, HAS PASSED tASMANIA BY. The best we have had so far is 16 degrees C' Cold winds and rain, snow on the mountain, etc,etc.
Program on S.B.S. last night Secrets of the orgasm. So they built a see-thru plastic insert spectrum so you could look deep into her vagina. Supposedly looking for the 'G' spot. whatever the fark that is? Any way it did nothing for an aged 83 yr old, who'ld rather have a bowl of hot soup anyway.
Ain't that typical of public utilities, like they couldn't or wouldn't tell you over the blower how to change the farkin batteries. Oh no. you got to have a night school ticket and an electrician's certificate to change a battery. mate
Shower of faecal nobbies.
Sara and the family seemed to have had a fulsome festive season. G.F.luck to them. At least they didn't have to engage in solitary thoughts and on your own-ness. Though I think I might be glad if I tell myself the truth, because IO do find XXCENSOREDXX a bit hard to take. Thick as bricks. XXCENSOREDXX read a booki in(fiction that is)in his life gets on my tits. Specially if he beats me at chess. Young sAM AT6 YEARS PLAYS BETTER CHESS THAN i DID WHEN i WAS 10.Fuck the caps lock! He' could be a little champion the way he's going. learning to play.I f you hear a violent squeal over the oceans. you'll know the little fart has beaten his Grandpa? Makes you wonder, what is the worth of 70 odd years of experience when some bright spark comes up and digs a hole of defeat for you?
How's the Deutch going? Or has Le Langue Francois takenover? Hoe about a bit of low class Russian? "Yopt via match, ti chouyou garbati! You stuff yer mother yer hump backed prick!
SEE YA LATER MATE. i'LL SEND A SHORT TEXT TO TELL YOUTHE EMAIL IS IN YOUR COMP. i WAS GOING TO SAY BOX, BUT IT SEEMED IAPPROPRIATE!" those bloody caps lock agen. Sorry. I think the comp does it to annoy. Like the Red Duchess in Alice . The baby she was chucking pepper on 'only cried to annoy!
All the best kiddo. Don't know what we'ld talk about if you were here. Couldn't be worse than what I write on the comp?
Luv ex yer pa. XXXXX

WHO DO YOU LOVE?

I have had the Commander on the case. An email arrived this morning.

# # # # # # # # #

Hello Emma, He was wearing brown Blundstones. I've spent hours trying to find info all I've come up with is XXCENSOREDXX (if you want a laugh look up XXCENSOREDXX or XXCENSOREDXX on my space) and his father who sponsored a rally car in Tas. I thought I might phone the shop in Sydney that sell his guitars and say I want to interview him for something? so I can at least find out which state he lives in. (I need to work on the story more) why is he so elusive, has he become a shut in like me? the tan says no.** Hobart night life is all spray tan, choppy haircuts, knife fights and serious binge drinking, there were photos going around last year called the bottle girl-yes she did put it there and she was proud of it. Funny you mention XXCENSOREDXX when they had to leave the last restaurant the other shops around them had Champagne to celebrate.

# # # # # # # # #

Hmmm... no closer to discovering the whereabouts of a certain someone BUT some tentative plans in place. The last brilliant piece of news I got from the Commander was when Myers in Hobart was on fire and the new MAC counter melted flat as a pancake. That was a while ago now.

xx Lektrogirl

** Am very impressed with this deduction.

OH GOD and some elected themselves the love of my life not so long ago in the heat of an argument and it was one of the statements that burst into the room like a balloon of pink fairy floss fantasy so insane and bizarre - like a cat in a volvo dropping by to deliver Easter eggs wearing a false moustache - I could only laugh and laugh [you know one of those snorty chokey hilarity ones] and take great satisfaction in saying "Errrr and what planet are you living on?" and realise that the whole argument was mute. The guy was seriously deluded.

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FANCLUB NEW YEAR

From: John Davidson [mailto:XXCENSOREDXX@hotmail.com]
Sent: 01 January 2009 00:11
To: Emma Davidson
Subject: RE: The festive season is over thanks to the fireworks.


I don't think your email of the 8th December really sunk into my addled consciousness when I read it the first time.Now having read it again your comments regarding XXCENSOREDXX are certainly no less than true. Although I don't think penises should be so maligned by associating them with that crunt. I remember being in similar circs with a XXCENSOREDXX of Sydney who saved me from deportation when the Harbour Police caught up with me, Not, love, just a bit of rumpy pumpy and somewhere to sleep til I got a flat and a job etc. When she came across a millionaire fisherman from Darwin who wanted to marry her, she offered me 200 pounds if I would let her divorce me? This meant he didn't have to know she was already married . Yack. Yack. Yack. I gladly accepted the 200 quid and moved on. But that XXCENSOREDXX heap of busted bumholes deserves a good kick up the anus, and if your sure you wouldn't rise to his advances IO would him a severe dose of S.T.D. I hope you are able to send an email. When I don't get a comment about an email I sent to you, I wonder if you are having difficulties with the system Windows offers ,here?
Hope your year does progress a little more happily my little mate. I always find I can make the thick shit which is my brain think more happily and positively When I think/tell it to. I am told quite frequently that I am paranoid, but I just tell them to G.F.
Luv yer poor ol' Dad. He's pretty rooted. Or Pretty and rooted!

TO V

No time to write to you all myself, but I wrote to V yesterday from work:

well so much to tell you. but i am also cured of my internet addiction - only because life took over and now i don't have enough time to be addicted. the way of the world. perhaps the same with drug addicts - they have too much time on their hands?!

XXCENSOREDXX showed himself to me totally naked in a nudie game flash at the kitchen. however - i do believe XXCENSOREDXX to be great in bed. a shame i did not find out about him, but he fucks groupies. he has a XXCENSOREDXX. i dont want to be a groupie fuck. i'm better than that. even though every time i see him he flirts. and equally i flirt with him. but every time i tell him to fuck off and laugh. tho' when he was leaving back to XXCENSOREDXX after the party i was still asleep in my bed and he came to see me and we kissed a little and i told him never to leave me again and that i hated him. and he said that it was the sweetest thing i had said to him and that i have hands like a porcelain doll. he is really beautiful - but his outfit was really bad. he looked like a poverty stricken clown.

now: i cant actually write on XXCENSOREDXX blog that she is murdering style, there will be a bloodbath in london. but i think you should do it. or get someone you know to do it. she doesn't allow anonymous blogging.

actually - i think i will update my blog with this email to you. it is pretty much all i have to say about life right now.

x

BEST SONG OF THE YEAR

Okay so I know that XXCENSOREDXX is all over the place like a fiddlers elbow - and I just as guilty for it being so as anyone else but I have to say XXCENSOREDXX sent me an MP3 this afternoon of what in my mind is the most incredible song of the year. I have danced for the last half an hour and loved it over and over. I cannot tell you anything about it though - only other to say it is the most BANGING PARTY TUNE and you will shit when you get to hear it.

IT IS FUCKING MASSIVE.
M-A-S-S-I-V-E. It is going to be wicked for Christmas Raves.

I'm not allowed to post the track but anyone who wants to come over for dinner and listen is welcome OROROROROROROROR:::>>>

On the 18th September I will be spinning in Nantes for Puyo Puyo:

10-18-2008 22:00 at CHEZ FICHTRE
18 quai des Antilles, Nantes, 44000
Cost: 2 euros
LIVE : FELIX KUBIN DJ : LEKTROGIRL, SYLVIE ASTIE, THE BRAIN VJ : VIDJEDGE

and I will be playing this track for sure!!

xx Lektrogirl

P.S.

And as I can't tell you about the song, here is another one which has a really great cut and paste YouTube video by Jean Nippon. Who I this is cute.

NOT ONLINE A LOT

As I keep saying I haven't been online a lot lately. I have been feeling so shit you really cannot believe. It is my old friend "Lost At Sea Feeling" back again. If you have these times too, then you will understand. Hopefully you do, cause that will mean you are normal. But yeah, I have even thought about killing this blog. I started off not giving a fuck about what I wrote on here and telling great gossips and having a laugh. But has timed has moved on, I have found myself biting my tongue more often and thinking "Fuck should I say that?" and deleting half a paragraph. And that isn't why I started this blog in the first place. It was never meant to be a music blog, or a look at my H&M outfit blog, or anything, it was just supposed to be my place to sit down and chat away. Rather than have 4 AIM windows open and FB all running at the same time. What I find disturbing is why do I suddenly give a fuck even?



My relationship with my longest love is going through a rocky time. The relationship feels pretty empty and soulless at the moment? Maybe it is the weather? Maybe it wasn't meant to go on forever? Like the old man at Ed's bar in Chicago [when he was propositioning me to go back to his house and strip so he could look and not touch] said to Paul and I "You too are good for now. Not forever. Just for now." I am even looking at jobs back in Australia because I am tired of life with my longest love. City of London - I don't love you like I used to. But then - maybe it is the people I know and don't want to know any more that are making me feel less inclined to venture out doors and walk your streets in my big black boots.



God - fuck it - I feel like I am living someone else's life if I can't talk about my own here.

It is so weakening getting finger fucked by a guy who "doesn't want a girlfriend" and the only dicking I got is when they dicked me round. XXCENSOREDXX. What a waste of fucking time. It was in essence, my first lesbian relationship. LOLZ.

In other news: another friend told me once that they never wanted to work with someone on particular types of projects and that she wanted it to be 'our thing' - I guess she was having a hating on her particular day. Because now time has passed and indeed the two of them are working on something. I'm genuinely happy for my friend. It has put my nose out of joint tho.
So maybe it is my turn to be the possessive lesbian and I should go round finger fucking women like I was the aforementioned man? HA.
Actually I think it might have more to do with my absolute horror about getting forgotten about which stems from childhood favouritism, my parents not coming to a school party, my father missing my swimming tests, bullied at school etc etc. [a moment to cry folks and could have possibly deleted the whole paragraph] And something I definitely will not talk about here. Unless I'm totally drunk and wearing heels.



And speaking of being a lesbian - Max was apparently having a conversation with XXCENSOREDXX about how much I love cock. It is always a bit uncertain with Max when he has a glass of Rosé in his hand as to whether it is Tourette's at that moment, or he had it while talking to XXCENSOREDXX, or was serious then or laughing now. Either way I found it funny. He teases me constantly about XXCENSOREDXX and how I should get with him. Personally Pippa and I think it is because Max's wants to vicariously have sex with XXCENSOREDXX himself. The thing about loving cock - Mum if you are reading this - that is what MAX said not me.

And for the first time ever, I will reveal a XXCENSOREDXX by way of a photographic clue:



He is one of the men in this picture. And I am certain that he must find me so attractive sitting here in hot pink polka dot flannel pyjama bottoms, a Silas red t-shirt, and orange Ralph Lauren sweatshirt I cut into a cardigan, powder blue Falke socks and red Chanel flip flips eating banana muffins I cooked for dinner cause I had nothing else in the house whining about my life. So seriously Max's match making would be worse for him than me.

Yeah I should go to bed. But before I do:



This is the part of myself I absolutely hate hate hate the most. Compared to everything - all parts of me inside and out. This is it. We can all see that I would make an excellent Christmas ham and where the surgeons knife should go or straw or whatever he would do to get rid of the grossness on the inner AND outer thighs.

Hello friend. We are back together again like we should be and I have no secrets from you.

xx Lektrogirl

DAY OFF

And what a day. Still broke and waiting for pay day I went back into town cause the guy at the Leicester Square Timpsons failed to cut a key correctly and I needed him to do it again. The key he cut as a replacement also didn't work. I hate him. He looks like a large version of the boot makers elves crossed with something out of A League of Gentlemen or something with brown gack all over his glasses. I also visited the Photographer's Gallery which wasn't a lot, then went and had a piece of rhubarb tart at PAUL and a really horrid coffee. After that I went into an antique etching and print place and asked the nerdy guy "I'm looking for pictures of naked ladies or tea parties." I mean what else would I want? A 'Negro' boxer, a prize winning horse or a battle scene - hardly. Anyway the poor guy blushed his face off and couldn't even bring himself to to say 'naked ladies' to his female boss [I bet he is big into vintage porn]. She sent me off to Cecil Court where I found some amazing plant lithographs and maps of Tasmania from the olden days. I didn't buy anything though. I will definitely go back though. I couldn't help but think of the rude man in Paris who has the shop selling old photographs in is it the Marché des Enfants or something? I so feel a trip to Paris coming soon.

Anyway - got home, had a nap but got woken by Superduck asking me about the name of a Café in Paris - which apparently has great hot chocolate. I don't even drink hot chocolate. Then OMG who should appear online by my old friend Noodles who I was able to swap some timely gossip with about one of the more highly strung ex's of my days and a lot of snorting ROLFing done on my part. Noodles also gave me the missing link to a mystery I have been trying to investigate for the last couple of weeks. So I was straight back on the phone to Superduck who could make like Craig David and Fill Me In. Superduck could assure me that XXCENSOREDXX is a piece of work and XXCENSOREDXX only goes for trophy men. HAHA. Good luck to XXCENSOREDXX then. To wind up the conversation, Superduck then went to tell me he wanted to jizz on Maude's face cause she is so cute, sweet, innocent and lovely [it is his cat] and take picture of it. Cool. Thankfully though he sent a text later telling me that even though he was trying hard and was thinking of XXCENSOREDXX Maude's little furry face really put him off and he couldn't do it.

And to put the lid on the day, Mr Chips has been making me a couple of videos on Facebook after we told each other to 'Get Fucked' the other day. In one of them he sang a little song along with what he calls his 'Paedo iPhone Piano' where he said I was like a cat stuck in a petrol can. Which I thought was a very accurate description of me sometimes - I can be that prickly.

All in all I have really enjoyed my day off. I hope to goodness that Oscar is in the office tomorrow. He is the cutest dog in the world.



I have worked in some offices where there have been dogs that have been nothing but trouble - pissing and shitting on the floor, constantly barking, biting people, chewing up staff's belongings - really badly trained dogs. Oscar on the other hand is just perfect! He has such a lovely nature and he is so friendly I love it when he sits at my desk and does my work for me. And I am going to see him tomorrow.

Oh cool - I just got another video from Mr Chips. He told me he is going to shoot me in the face and stab me in the cunt! Mr Chips really puts boys like Prancehall back in the playground when it comes to beef.

xx Lektrogirl

DRESSED LIKE A MORMON

Oh Allah. Today was pretty lacklustre. Dinner was pretty dramatic and ended up giving me a stomach ache. I try and be still like a mountain and last for an eternity but the rain is wearing me down. Then my close friend and confidant Alex said I dress like a mormon. Then apparently I am too tall. I got better though when we got out his iPhone and started looking at knickers on the Internet. And then we saw Nadia dressed like a whore on Kingsland Road looking fucking AMAZING. I wanted to stay out longer but I really felt sick to my stomach - so I decided to come home. And what happens when I check my inbox? The second email of the day from my friend from Hamburg Christian Weiß telling me all about his triathlon competitions with pictures [makes me feel guilty cause I never do any exercise], his travelling [makes me feel sad cause I haven't been anywhere since Christmas and I love to travel]. Anyway it's good cause I love pen pals.

Actually me and Alex made some good joke, had a dance and drink and did a fake kiss for Jonjo so it wasn't so bad. It was Max's birthday.

Oh Jah. I'm just writing bullshit now.

I better go to bed.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Just to say I feel like I have committed a great sin by writing 'Oh Allah' instead of 'Oh God' and worry that I will be struck by lightening or stoned by men in the street tomorrow. Perhaps I should call and ask Manara for advice tomorrow and ask her if wearing a scarf to cover my hair will help? Tonight Alex said I dress like a mormon. Shit. I said that already. I'm not drunk I swear.

OMG!!!
XXCENSOREDXX, XXCENSOREDXX's sister apparently got drunk and fucked XXCENSOREDXX!!!!! OF ALL PEOPLE [who apparently licked some girl's arse hole in the toilets of a club until she came and I swear to you she so didn't...] I tell you - when I heard, my jaw dropped. I was reeling. I couldn't fucking believe it. Shock of a lifetime. My days.

HEY MATHIEU

Dear Mathieu

I is past two in the morning and I can't sleep. Mostly because I am thinking of a way to come to Paris - I need someone to tell all my secrets too. For the most part, my blog is wonderful but there are always other things I want to write about as well. That is why I like to talk with you. I know you are a bad father but Bunny will always climb on the knee of Europe's greatest Parisian Jew and whisper in your ear. God... I feel like I'm going a bit stir crazy tonight. What do you suggest?

I spent the day in bed watching Almodovar DVD's. Today it was Kika. There was a scene where a rapist who has escaped from prison breaks into the house of his sisters employers, fake ties up his sister and goes into the bedroom to find his sister's boss sleeping. He sticks pieces of a clementine into the pussy of the woman to taste her on the fruit. For some reason it made me think of XXCENSOREDXX and want to be lying in XXCENSOREDXX parents bed under the nude portrait they have of themselves looking out the window at the sun on the wall.

I also got an apology from XXCENSOREDXX, but XXCENSOREDXX can keep his two fingered half hearted tap on the shoulder to himself while he pretends to be all goody goody. The sad thing is, there is nothing going on and I miss his big jokes like crazy. It is so stupid. He just has an insecure girl riding his nuts.

Then there is XXCENSOREDXX. XXCENSOREDXX is my secret. And XXCENSOREDXX is who I think of the most and would be the first thing I would tell you all about. And the second. And the third.

Do you remember when we ate Burger King? I just remembered walking down Holloway Road.

D'accord. Moi je suis fatigue - ENFIN. Je vais au pieu. I hope I don't have to see that ugly boude boudin any time soon. Save a seat for me at that nice restaurant we went to last time. I will meet you there as soon as I can.

xx Emma

SO EFFING GROSS

In the mood for DIY today after my astrology reading said that I can be lazy today and only attend to the essentials. So I decided to clean out all the waste pipes in the bathroom from the sink and shower. The picture above is just from the sink. That is a matted mess of hair, toothpaste and grout and got knows what else. It smelt fucking rank.

My mother keeps calling me and I keep avoiding her. I have nothing to tell her other than I'm broke, my neck hurts and I'm looking for a new job but can't sit at the computer for too long. I'm not in the mood.

Last night at WORK IT was a real drag for various reasons. But I was able to conclude that XXCENSOREDXX is no longer the worst dressed girl in London. After only seeing XXCENSOREDXX in TWO outfits, she has superseded the original horror with a devastating skill. Really really bad. So apologies to the first worst dressed girl. I actually think you are quite pretty for what it is worth.



I was so distracted by trying to have a good time when really I wasn't last night that I didn't even think to test the smell of this. I wonder if it really smelt of baby powder!!

When I first woke up this morning I felt like another lead weight had been added to my load when I thought some random cat had puked in my back yard - the same cunty cat who broke the cover for my kitchen strip light perhaps?! - but no it turned out to be just a water logged slice of wholegrain bread my neighbours had thrown into the garden along with all the other shit they throw, when not yelling at their dog or singing Frère Jacques to their kid atonally.



And to cheer myself up, I am reposting this song from September 2007

Best song ever.

xx Lektrogirl

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB

Unfortunately, due to the sensitivity of some of the subject matter contained therein, I was forced to XXCENSOREDXX sections of the last email from The G.A.

Takes me 2 and a half hours to s.s.s.* and dress myself each morning, which is why I am typing this note at 11.15 a.m.
Good to hear from you shags, NO I am not really a racist? I remember Ruthy Rare (rahray say) who was a New Zealand Moari and as dark as a fukkin blood sausage, Good fun though, Could play a ujke and sing like a thrush. Only quite little, hard to find in a double bed!!! XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX?
XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX. shove it up yer joompa. Take ma's credit card and extract up to 20$ worth to buy yourself some British fish and chips. (think of me when you eat them!) I will give her my next fortnites allowance to cover your end. I hope to hell you can get a feed of f'n'c' for 20 $?
Yeah I know it must be tough having the imbalance problem. Specially if you got it off my side of the family. My ma and pa were quite a pair of fukkin wonkers during our lives. None of we three boys rarely ebver lived together, nor with our mother and father. We were always farmed out to one relative or another, even not relatives , just people who would take spare kids and bed 'em and feed 'em(like some old tart in Birmingham Mrs Hill) And Mrs Milligann in Renfrew street in Glasgow, et effincetera. Oo cares? that was yesterday and a whole lot of them ago. At least you and Sara spent most of your youth together, din ya?
I expect I was a bit of a pain in the arse. Selling grog and all. No wonder I ended up having a stroke.
I'll get a lottery ticket. We'll win 30 million and I'll come home! We'll live in the best hotel in Londinium! The Dorset? The Ritz? The park bench? Whatever
Luv from yer old fella. XXCENSOREDXX. cHEERS G.A. POPS.XXXX

I wish I could just leave that unXXCENSOREDXX cause it is so hilarious.
FYI - s.s.s. = shit shower shave

And thanks to everyone to wrote to tell me that they like my new video ALL OF MY FOR ALL OF YOU. It is always nice to receive positive vibes. We have all witnessed some odd behaviour from others on this blog of late. But like Lady Sovereign sang [I know - quoting her! YGM! LOLZ - but also kind of fitting]:

"Love me or hate me I'm still an obsession,
Love me or hate me that is the question,
If you love me then THANK YOU
If you hate me then FUCK YOU"



The best thing about that video is one of the garbage men who throws "Sov" in the truck is Jeyjon who used to be in Dead or Alive. NO JOKES.

xx Lektrogirl

UPDATE

Today is another day of remembrance. It was with great sadness I received the news from Philippa this morning that Jamal the blind cat has passed away. I shed a few tears from my feather down pillows in his memory. Yesterday it was just tears of pain from the Cava hangover.

In a Cava induced stupor:

P.S. Please don't hate me cause I'm such a babe.

Captain Morgan was a lot friendlier to my system last night which I drank in the company of Alex T, The Cardinal and Amph who Alex T and I called Bongo more than anything else last night. I'm still laughing about the man in the off licence on Brick Lane who gave directions to the nearest ATM as being 'Go down derre. Long way.' to Amph and I. The best joke EVER. Can I also say, Amph has the most amazing thighs? He tells me that his family are from Ghana which reminded me of Hugofreegow's flickr pics



And as Alex T and Amph spent most of the night wrestling while scantily dressed women played musical statues I wasn't too difficult for me to place Amph in some of those funny wrestlers undies.

OMG and now you have to work out what happened to who for yourselves:
There wasn't much else left to the imagination after XXCENSOREDXX got a stiffy after XXCENSOREDXX whispered in XXCENSOREDXX's ear "I can't wait to see your cock". I mean they are as homo as each other...

We all drank so much that we all started to look like this at the end of the night:



So I hope today that the sunshine will treat me well today as I need the Vitamin Sun beauty treatment to be babed out for tonight. I am DJing at my old friend Molly's birthday party from 10pm at the Alphabet Bar on Beak Street in Soho. I'm not allowed to play any 'black music' so it will be all italo, pop, disco etc. Which is a great shame as I have been showing a lot of face to R Kelly's Hairbraider track. A beautiful slow jam.

So in summary, this is my life right now:



xx Lektrogirl

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB 3

Oh and I got this in my inbox today from The G.A.:

wHY DID i END SLEEPING ING THE LITTLE PARK(dUKE OF bEDFORD'S LOT? CAN'TREMEMBER for sure. 1, it was the closes free space to home and had a coupla big trees to pee against in case of emergencies, and the old man had a bad attack of S. ON THE LIVER and he said he could smell alcohol on my breath, the sharp nosed prat, I'LD BEEN PLAYING SNOOKER UP IN THE nAG'S hEAD hOLLOWAY with some mates from nght school and had drunk one pint of rough cider. Do you find the Caps lock a pain in the cock, whereever? I inevitably forget the rotten things on. As YOU HAVE NOTICED.

What sensible question was I going to ask you? Yeah. XXCENSOREDXX? did you get over the minor problem of being crook. Did the XXCENSOREDXX girlfriend keep her snot-faced visage out of your probs? Hope your happier now.

I think you and I must E.S.P relative to not feeling too good. Ever since that bloody fall when I cracked my scone I felt like shit. Even right now, stretch a meter of green snot and admire it gleaming in the sunlight. Stretch it and snap. the loose end flips back and gets you in the eye. Fark!

What was the other question you askrd me? Ah yeah. the black pipe! that was on the Victorian built nurses home added to the Gloucester Royal Hospital. Led up to the top dormers just under the roof guttering, Dorothy(1st wife) used to sleep therein. after a few beers the only way to a quick snog was to climbthe friggin pipe,all six stories of it! Not long out of the Scots Guards your old fella 20 I think , was one fit twat. But that wasyesterday, 81 years of the blinders. And I loved them. Except me old man. I can rememember my mother muttering to her self at his regal funeral"I' m glad he's gone. Bit rough but ththe bugger used to wack her stupid. XXCENSOREDXX? Must go shagger. Though me lunch is a couple of Saos and a cuppa Orange PekoeCheers Buddy. Miss yer. ALL THE EFFIN TIME, Yer pa.xxxx

Not wanting to sound too much like a perverse version of the Pussy Cat Dolls, don't cha wish your Dad was cool like mine?

Obviously now it is going to need to be discovered - where was this pool hall - as this is now in my neighbourhood. Also night school? Doing what? And I need to get him to tell the story of the Scots Guards.

LUNCH TIME. I going to go to Archgate and have a kofta wrap I think with garlic sauce and salad and chips. They are the my favourite cafe / restaurant in North London. They are directly over the road from the Archway tube station and I have now been going there for years.

xx Lektrogirl

MEGA LOL

Here is my friend Caz trying to be like me with the bra shot... Oh no.. hang on... LOL hahaha

ROTFLOL

Mum called this morning and I told her was really sad this morning feeling like I had nothing to get out of bed for today. I can't tell you the real reasons why other than to say XXCENSOREDXX has banned me from talking about XXCENSOREDXX here and another whole part of my life is totally XXCENSOREDXX anyway...



and here I was at the New Zealander party have a whale of a time.

But then I get up this morning to see the world has been moving on with out me and see visions such as Caz with a twisted bra. Lovely.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Alex T asked me on Sunday night what my favourite episode of C.S.I. is and I couldn't choose but now I know. It is an episode in season 5 of C.S.I. Crime Scene Investigation [the Vegas one] called COMMITTED set in a mental prison where a guy gets murdered by the mother of one of the patients who is masquerading as a nurse so that she can continue her Jocasta complex relationship with her mentally ill son. They crack the case when Grissom uses a really great piece of far fetched technology [LOL] - audio archaeology or something. The son was making a clay vase when his nurse mother came in to demand that he finish it with the guy who was murdered and apparently the sound waves of their conversation were picked up in the wet clay. The C.S.I. team were able to pick up the sound recording using lasers, processing it through something that looked a little bit like Sony Acid Pro but with a jazzier skin and they all realised who was banging who.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Tonight Cardinal, Venom and I went to some random house party full of New Zealanders. Enough said about that. On the way home, we went to the bagel shop on Brick Lane [the yellow one.] In the queue, some cute guy was chatting my up. He was telling me that he felt like a knob the way he was dressed cause normally he dressed more indie [he looked nice - maybe he thought I looked indie?] Unfortunately, he had a pimple on his forehead that looked quite angry with a bit of a scab on it. And you all know my latest obsession about these things. I just looked at it and thought 'No' cause I knew just too well what this facial infection could become. Even so, he was cute and funny. Until he said 'Hermes' wrong. Then I knew it could never be true between us. I clutched my warm loaf of bread and my cream cheese bagel and joined Cardinal and Venom on the street outside and we stuffed the bagels in our faces and caught a taxi home.

If I hadn't found a fiver outside the bottle shop where we picked up some booze before the house party I could have almost written the whole night off [Venom accused me of ruining his whole night and then finished up with his usual rant that I never understand about cab routes - even though for the most part we were having a good time together. If only the afterglow of his disco poo that he was so happy to tell me about had lasted longer...] However it was pretty fun.

Tomorrow looks like it will be a cracker. Cardinal is sanding her floors and has hired a machine to do it. I'm going over in my sweats just to watch! So cool! Tonight at the party I was explaining to Milan the reason why a particular wall had cracked in the house we were in and that in fact they could remove it an have a massive front room. It was a partition wall the land lord must have put in to make an extra bedroom.

Anyway, last time I sat at the computer drunk and late at night I ended up sending a Facebook message to XXCENSOREDXX saying 'I saw you talking to some friends of mine at the party the other night and I was too nervous to come and say hi then. But I wanted to tell you that you were the most beautiful man in the room.' Etc Etc. Suffice to say I have not heard back from him. And honesty, if he had replied to that message I don't think I would have had a lot of respect for him. Instead he did what any normal person would - he immediately told the mutual friend, who rushed into Soho [possibly not any quicker] to tell Pippa all about it. When admitting my shame, I didn't grill Pippa to find out any more about what was said - I can only imagine the guffaws between friends as he read out my message over the phone to her - I mean GOD I would have cut and paste the whole thing and put it on my blog if someone had sent it to me. The thing is, I can't believe I actually did it as it is SO NOT what I would do. What deep and humiliating shame that I have endured. Over a week has passed since then though and I am pretty much over it and LOL to myself regularly about it. And the major disappointment was - when I first saw him in the club I thought he was Spanish or Italian - just some dude. Then Cardinal told me 'OMG that's XXCENSOREDXX'. So in fact he doesn't speak with a swarthy European accent - I watched some video of him being interviewed and it wasn't like my fantasy at all.

So, on that note, I am going to bed to have a real fantasy. And maybe the hot postman will arrive in the morning with another one of his packaged for me.

xx Lektrogirl

I'VE LOST MY FAMILY

Not wanting to sound too grim about it, but Mutts and I were discussing the things I wanted from the house when both of my parents 'go to the other side'. I can't really remember what I said now other than some old crockery - in particular the jug with the handles stapled back together in the wartime days when there was no glue. I was going to make a really awful joke then about prisoners of war then but thought better of it. After getting banned from Venom's blog for real [tho' he tried to reinstate me and said he couldn't work out how... a likely story...] I'm trying to be good - honest Gov'. Anyway so - when the G.A. moved into the old man's home, most of the chutch went up to the Auction Mart to pay for the credit card bills Mutts discovered so it is kind of slim pickings but there is still some good stuff there - like the matching jug to my polka dot teapot.

GOD! WTF am I on about...

So, I went looking tonight to find pictures I had taken of my family in college years. I have loads of old prints that I developed myself in the top of the linen closet [no I don't have a boiler in there in case you were shitting yourself about the paper] but I knew I had rescanned them at some point. Ergh - I couldn't find them anywhere in my GIGABYTES of random online storage space, but I did find these online. They are pictures of my distant relatives on my Mutt's side from a really cool old family album that I have dibsy bags on before my sister I hope.




This guy always reminds me of Squarepusher. Do you see it?




The one on the right looks like a man in drag.










What is up with those devil's knot tie side buns on that lady?


SPANIEL HAIR-DO




I have always felt a resonance with Misery Guts here with the dog.


Dude on the left looks stuffed.

If you can make out what some of the scratchy spider writing says it is quite funny. It is a shame I resized the scans cause the book is much larger in real life. Oh well I'm always a fucking idiot somewhere along the way. And if I've actually got ahead in life for a few days some asshole always comes along to put me right back in my place.

You know who you are.

xx Lektrogirl

TRAINING DAY

I FINALLY got to see Training Day that Jo "To Pimping!" Mitchell has been going on about for so long. It stars Denzel Washington [I have a minor obsession with his acting ability], Ethan Hawke [I fucking HATE him] SNOOP DOGG as a wheelchair bound crack dealer and Dr Dre as a rogue cop [a bit like Ice T in Law and Order only scarey.]


If you don't believe me about Snoop Dogg, start watching about 5 minutes in - I nearly cried laughing. Sadly I promised Carrie that she could have Snoop and I would stick with R Kelly yesterday in Jerk City but it was kind of a fake promise - I was secretly thinking "Yeah I will say it here for arguments sake but deep down we know Snoop is mine." So sorry Carrie. I lied in the name of love.

Other people being fake in town have got found out big time tho'. XXCENSOREDXX got caught out telling XXCENSOREDXX one thing and then telling XXCENSOREDXX something so different it's laughable. I have screen grabs of both conversations where XXCENSOREDXX tells the story and the poor quality lying is just embarrassing. LOSER.

But back to Denzel Washingtons and his acting ability. If it wasn't for the poor acting of Ethan Hawke and his jarring appearance every time he was on screen I could have been lead to believe that this was a real life portrayal of the ghetto so convincing was Denzel. He continued to employ his stiff neck head bobbing thing that Bill Cosby also uses to great effect when making a serious point. The midnight murderers who played their roles with balaclavas and big black van were neither predictable or an overused archetype in a Hollywood movie. They way Denzel's body convulsed as he was being riddled with bullets from automatic weapons what definitely watching the whole movie for.

I would have loved to watch the movie the whole way through in Spanish:


I was talking Jo Apps last night who is in Philadelphia and loving it I understand. We discussed the public physical fight between two men in Fabric the other night. As Jo Apps said "What is London coming to with all this violence going on? Everyone is going to be running round with guns come picnic season!" I have to say that I have witnessed the harsh reality of how life could be when watching Training Day if everyone doesn't take a step back and a deep breath. If you haven't seen it already I implore you to watch Training Day, the "Cool and exciting" and "Cracking cop drama... refreshing to see a thriller worthy of the label" for which Denzel Washington received an Acadamy Award in 2001 for his Leading Role for some home truths and watch Good triumph over Evil.

xx Lektrogirl

MY MIND WANDERS

Well the work in the bathroom grouting has gone so slowly - so boring. But while I work I have had a lot of time to think about all kinds of stuff - like particularly who is the hottest actor at the moment IMHO.

It all started when the ads came on TV for that new movie "No Country for Old Men". Though I don't have much of a clue as to what the movie about, I kept seeing this guy

shooting people and acting really weird and dark thinking "Fuck he's hot!" But somewhere in my mind I kept thinking - I've seen that guy somewhere before, but crying. WHO IS HE?

Google called and I soon learned the killer of my dreams is a Spanish actor called Javier Bardem. But there was still something not right. This guy definitely needs the psycho bowl cut for me to feel his vibe. The guy I remember thinking TOTAL BABE was definitely crying and definitely has short hair. THEN IT CLICKED!!

The guy I was really in love with was Denny Duquette! OMG! The man who was dying in his hospital bed that was having a relationship with the babe nurse Izzy in Grey's Anatomy.

Here we see [real name] Jeffrey Dean Morgan looking amazing. Point to note - JDM will never be amazingly famous cause he has a bad name.

So I had to get on AIM and tell my friend Ramiro all about it - and even he was astounded as to how similar the two men are:

Spit roast anyone? That is enough to make me kick an own goal, YGM?

Back grouting, I thought about it further - a psycho killer and someone with a fatal illness. It is a documented fact I am also in love with Owen Wilson who we all know tried to top himself not that long ago over that What's-Her-Name.

Amazing! Can you just imagine the photographer and the stylist at this shoot. It makes me cry lauging thinking about it. But even so - BABE. What is up with me though falling for all these weirdos?

I had a rethink over a Milo [it's Australian, Google it.] And of course - HOW COULD I FORGET NICK STOKES!! Only in the era without the moustach. YGM?! I love facial hair but not a little mo.

So here is Agent Nick Stokes from CSI Crime Scene Investigation [the Vegas one.] Tell me, who wouldn't want one of Nick Stokes digits poking around in one of your orifices laid out on a slab? I for one can raise my hand high in the air and say ME PLEASE. Until I saw this...


George Eades au natural. He might as well be in the fucking L'Oreal Dandruff commercial saying "Hey babe wanna root?"

Even speaking with a dirty French accent can't save him.

God... so who is left?

Vincent D'Onofrio?

It seems XXCENSOREDXX is luckier than I am right now. He tells me he has a new lady who is rich and wears Jimmy Choo's. That could be any WAG. I wonder if he is having an illicit affair with Posh Spice or even Danielle Lloyd?

Last night we went to the Walthamstow Dogs to wish Jo Apps a bon voyage.


Ronojoy trying to tickle Carrie's fancy.


Jo and her boyfriends.

xx Lektrogirl

XXCENSOREDXX

So, I now have a picture of XXCENSOREDXX and I keep it in my oyster card wallet. When you tap in, you don't even have to open the card wallet so it isn't as romantic as it sounds I guess. What is very romantic is that he has my birthday written in his Smythsons birthday book. I am guessing that XXCENSOREDXX is trying to seduce me for my Marni bag.

XXCENSOREDXX and I met tonight and had some incredible gossiping. I heard the most gruesome and fabulous story about two gay men. Gayer 1 went into the bathroom of Gayer 2 and started snooping through the cupboards [as you do. I hate it when you do that and the bathroom cabinet has a massive door bang that you aren't expecting or something] and found some jumbo tampons. Gayer 1 was really confused cause Gayer 2 was living alone and had no sister / friend that would have reason to leave jumbo tampons in his bathroom cabinet. At the time, XXCENSOREDXX and I were eating these layered cakes, the bottom layer seemed to have absorbed a rather large amount of liquid. It was quite strange and was rather unpleasant to eat. Even more so as this story progressed. So Gayer 1 didn't know what to do. He was curious about the tampons but didn't know how to ask without appearing as though he had been poking through all the cupboards in the bathroom. Finally Gayer 1's curiosity got the better of him and his asked Gayer 2 about it who was totally casual and replied "They are like for you know, after fisting I used them for absorbing all the slops."

I had to put my fork down.

After trying to get away with paying the wrong bill that was 5 pounds cheaper than the correct one, XXCENSOREDXX and I went for an evening stroll to Carnaby Street. I wish again I could make it out to be romantic, but it was just so that XXCENSOREDXX could use the free ATMs there. On the way you will never guess what we saw:


None other than London's number 1 urban blogger moonlighting in the Agent Provocateur window for some extra cash in a dishevilled Danielle Lloyd WAG wig and an ill fitting bra on the right cup. The pair of mannequins were standing in saw dust pretending to be at the circus. You could almost smell the piss from outside the window.

Finally, check out Pippa's latest video. I'm not really sure what it is for but my friend Alex looks amazing in it. [She is the one with the doll face and the bobbed hair]


xx Lektrogirl

KARAOKE CHALLENGE

HEY YOU!! You know who I mean!!

Thanks for giving me this... I will never sleep now.

This is OUR SONG? Well I challenge you to sing this at karaoke! Cursing me with this song was pretty heavy! LOL.

Anyway majority audience, this is one for you.

Just checking up on my buddy Babyjoker21 to see how his Christmas went. GREAT CHOICE OF TRACK. There is nothing sweeter than R Kelly with the water drop snare.
I don't think I would want to unwrap my presents after this happened in front of them. Finally I think I have been pushed to my limit with the hip rolling. Particularly when he takes his top off and you get to see that he is wearing little budgie smuggler panties with those white tracky daks and socks. The outfit is wrong. Now that XXCENSOREDXX has come clean about thinking I'm a bitch etc, there is no way I will ever get to be able to restyle Ruff Sqwad! Maybe I'm gonna have to contact these guys. [Hang on - was XXCENSOREDXX hating on me when he used my post about the Ruff Sqwad fashion commentary on his blog? Weird.

xx Lektrogirl

MIDNIGHT IN HADSPEN

Ahhh at last, the house is dark and I'm alone on the sofa blogging with my phone. I cried my eyes out this morning listening to a cover of Kate Bush by the winner of Australian Idol thinking about how hard this year has been. I'm so glad it is nearly over. I had a reading from a psychic - she told me I would move house. I hope so.


Tomorrow everyone is going to the shack of Poppy and Dash - jet skis, beach, river etc. I didn't bring my bathers. I don't know if I would be allowed to sit and get wasted on Mojitos in front of the kids. So I might stay at the house and go down the creek and play on the PS2 all the kids new games before even they have.

I hope my little house is okay. I'm really missing XXCENSOREDXX which is weird cause I hardly know him but he's so funny and has such a smiley face. I also can't wait to see XXCENSOREDXX who has been teasing me mercilessly because I don't have a penis. It's not fair to tell someone you love them then in the next breath tell them it's impossible. So mean! But I'm REALLY looking forward to going to the secret brown people's gay rave in a sari with XXCENSOREDXX - best fun ever. Apparently you cant take pictures in there though cause some men are married. Finally I will be pleased to see XXCENSOREDXX if that ever happens - charming, funny and vulgar. Quite delightful.

xx Lektrogirl

MOIN MOIN

I wish I could say I was awake at 5.30am because of jetlag but I got to tell you that some genius has a fucking rooster in the neighbourhood. Yesterday I accidently cut my foot. Blood etc. Still haven't seen my neice and nephews yet. I hope to make it down to Salamanca today cause my Auntie told me where I can get bakelite jewellery from. XXCENSOREDXX has banned me from talking about XXCENSOREDXX any more. I want another coffee from Jackman and McRoss. They don't open til like 7am though which is hours away. YGM. Long.

xx Lektrogirl

MAN ON FIRE

Last night Booty and I kicked back at his crib and watched a DVD he had bought at Lidl starring Denzel Washington. Through this whole movie we were both transfixed by the script, the narrative, the charactarisation. The whole thing was tantamount to a spiritual experience. Even though I'm a true believer in Wesley Snipes I have to give some creds to the Denzel. It was such a convincing portrayal of a man gripped by seeking revenge that it was like watching a documentary. Passionate.

Speaking of spiritual experiences I fell asleep on the sofa before dinner listening to Kontakte by Stockhausen. It was pretty good. It was nice cause I was so sleepy and everytime I got to the edge of sleep XXCENSCOREDXX laughing would come into my mind and I was imagining what it would be like to kiss him. The best dreaming ever.


Speaking of men, I had another rendezvous here with a guy I have been in contact with a lot via email. Sadly it didnt turn out to be as fun as the one with XXCENSCOREDXX the other night. This meeting ended up being a long story about a saxphone that covered two continents, family members, old friends, the yamaha music website and even though I said 'cut to the chase' it was unfortunate cause the story still goes on. Then the man I was with went on to tell me about a time he was so drunk that he was telling a mutual friend of ours he didnt like her boyfriend and should try with him and really she is so beautiful etc... She was only a few seats away at the table. I didn't really feel in the mood for the vibes after that.


Last night I had better luck with the waiter at the restaurant where Viktor, Booty and I went for dinner. Tony couldn't keep his hands off me and was calling me 'Beautiful Emma'. Well state the obvious mate, but at least he was making an effort.

Things with nameless seem to be improving. Conversations are not always about who is such a cunt or who has to do what for something else to happen. I got an SMS from him I guess he was still in Uniqlo saying he couldn't buy anything there cause it is all made in China and even thoough I've explained to him how different mark up systems work and making profit where there is no wholesaler he still said 'this cashmere jumper is only 39 pounds. Who has paid the price for it to be that cheap? (refering to the workers in China) I'm going to try Smedley tomorrow.' I was so proud.

More later. Still so much to tell from Hamburg.



xx Lektrogirl

THE PLAY DATE

So last night was the play date with XXCENSOREDXX. It was great, he made me cry and insulted me, I was late, told a 'hilarious' story about a guy who had something really cringeworthy happen him only to learn that a similar thing had happened to XXCENSOREDXX - all amongst other gaffs. I'm not joking. These things all really happened. But I had a really nice time. And honestly far better than I was expecting. There I was thinking it was going to be really awkward and weird, and it was definitely a little like that at time but the percentage of laughter was a lot more. I fully recommend a play date to anyone anyway. I even got one of those funny "not sure if I should" and me "being awkward back" peck on the cheek outside the most stinking chip shop on the corner of Oxford Street and Tottenham Court Road. I can only assume that XXCENSOREDXX also had a good time for that to have happened on the gankiest corner in the West End.

And you know what else - I KNOW THAT XXCENSOREDXX will read this. Which makes me feel a bit weird writing it. And even weirder that we made jokes about what I would write. YOU GET ME! Mega LOLZ. That was just for him. You are right - it's tragic! But as you can see from photographic evidence you can see that I'm a true playa.


This is the reason why I was late. I was living it up in Wiltshire on a work related mission. I can't divulge to much - trade secrets etc. There was a place there call Players Bar and Club Ice that was on the estate. Apparently all the Squaddies go there. We so wanted to go. Jo had her umbrella to reel them all in. Then we filthy looks in the quiet carriage on the way home to Paddington. Just to let you know - mean woman with the briefcase, we hated sitting next to you as much as you hated us. But let's not make hate and bad vibes. And it is clear you are the one with the problem with the coloured markers you had all anal on your briefcase. When you got up to use your phone we so wanted to change the colours of all the lids on the pens cause we knew it would really fuck with your head.

xx Lektrogirl

MINT AERO

Today many things were longing me out. No internet, jobs piling up, meetings, notes. BLARGH.

BUT then something lovely happened. My number 1 assistant told me that he would take me on a date [I was whinging at lunch and he was joking] then blushed. Then I asked him to get me a chocolate bar from the shops if he really meant it. He said that I was the kind of girl who liked expensive chocoalte though. I told him that I like cheap mint chocolate and an Aero would be amazing. Number 1 assistant came back from the shops, got down on his knee and gave me the chocolate bar. He knew I was down in the dumps today. What an amazing dude. Then I asked me where he would take me on the date. He told me Paris. I asked him if he was going to take me up the Eiffel tower. Sniggers all round the office. I asked him if it was going to be a day trip or a whole weekend away. He said that it was going to depend on how hard I was to crack. Mega LOLZ. I laughed for ages about that.

Then the second amazing thing happened - XXCENSOREDXX sent me a random email! Hello! Good times.

xx Lektrogirl

PANTS DOWN SHIT UP

XXCENSOREDXX just sent me a message saying XXCENSOREDXX had liquid shits and thought XXCENSOREDXX had finished, stood up and squirted more out of XXCENSOREDXX's bum on XXCENSOREDXX's shoes and pants. Yeah, but THE THING IS XXCENSOREDXX had eaten cuttlefish ink risotto the night before and so it was jet black. Apparently fortunately XXCENSOREDXX was saved by the belt XXCENSOREDXX was wearing. The shit just wiped off.

In other news, people with their pants down should check this link referred to me by my very good internet pen friend.



xx Lektrogirl