Saturday, 5 December 2009

JUJU

And no I don't mean the Champagne bar in Chelsea.





So, The Cardinal gave me the fabulous book Nollywood by Pieter Hugo. I love all the pictures of the women and witches and demons. I know how they all feel! Redwine and peanut sick dreadlock anyone?

SATURDAY! I spent quite a while reading other birthday presents from last week scoffing nougat and waiting for my cleaner to be 2.5 hours late which is long, even by her standards. I did call her to find out what was up and she was having a fight with her flatmates who all had electric heaters in their rooms and not admitting it so she was paying more than her share of electricity. The landlord came for a big meeting so big trouble in little Ghana.

Through the course of the day, I decided the best use for my completely luxurious and useless new Luella notebook calf skin bound and embossed with a mushroom, would be to jot down some of Dora's comments about life. And today I was laughing with tears in my eyes about Elizabeth the other white clear she knew that was so fat she has no shape and so she told her and Elizabeth complained to the supervisor but no-one cared, the old lady who had a stroke and the Jamaican threw away her walking frame and how Jews [the חסיד ones] wear shoes that are so bad that if you throw one, not even a dog would touch it.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 10 August 2009

LAST POST FOR TODAY

Chris Rock on Rap Music



xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 10 January 2009

THIS IS WHY IM LATE



I saw this Cardinal and now I'm late. But I had a good laugh. And you probably just had another glass of wine without me. See you in a minute. The canelles were a fucking disaster. New oven needed. They were perfect on the outside, raw in the middle like omelette.

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 3 January 2009

WHO DO YOU LOVE?

I have had the Commander on the case. An email arrived this morning.

# # # # # # # # #

Hello Emma, He was wearing brown Blundstones. I've spent hours trying to find info all I've come up with is XXCENSOREDXX (if you want a laugh look up XXCENSOREDXX or XXCENSOREDXX on my space) and his father who sponsored a rally car in Tas. I thought I might phone the shop in Sydney that sell his guitars and say I want to interview him for something? so I can at least find out which state he lives in. (I need to work on the story more) why is he so elusive, has he become a shut in like me? the tan says no.** Hobart night life is all spray tan, choppy haircuts, knife fights and serious binge drinking, there were photos going around last year called the bottle girl-yes she did put it there and she was proud of it. Funny you mention XXCENSOREDXX when they had to leave the last restaurant the other shops around them had Champagne to celebrate.

# # # # # # # # #

Hmmm... no closer to discovering the whereabouts of a certain someone BUT some tentative plans in place. The last brilliant piece of news I got from the Commander was when Myers in Hobart was on fire and the new MAC counter melted flat as a pancake. That was a while ago now.

xx Lektrogirl

** Am very impressed with this deduction.

OH GOD and some elected themselves the love of my life not so long ago in the heat of an argument and it was one of the statements that burst into the room like a balloon of pink fairy floss fantasy so insane and bizarre - like a cat in a volvo dropping by to deliver Easter eggs wearing a false moustache - I could only laugh and laugh [you know one of those snorty chokey hilarity ones] and take great satisfaction in saying "Errrr and what planet are you living on?" and realise that the whole argument was mute. The guy was seriously deluded.

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Monday, 17 November 2008

DANCE FAIL

OMG why didn't I think of looking this up before?



FAIL WEBSITE

xx Lektrogirl

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COMIC BAKERY

Oh yeah and I wanted to mention this site cakefarts.com that Manara sent me this morning.

That one is for you Mum.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. And I got my period about 15 minutes ago. How can I tell one of my best friends I got all worked up and had a 'talk' then deleted him all over some fucking PMT without looking like some EMO loser?! I guess I will wait a couple weeks and make up some other excuse... God. >>>!!HH!!MM!!LL<<<

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Saturday, 15 November 2008

CHOKING LAUGHING



If I ever feel sad again I know who's video to watch.

xx Lektrogirl

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TEENAGE LIFE



OMG lolled me out. "Hello... I'm in my room... where u at?"

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Monday, 8 September 2008

DROP THAT ASS









Hydraulic Style - DJ Nasty

Listen to the counter melody? Or does it count as a melody? Or just a synth line? It's so beautiful! And while you are dropping that ass to the ground - which is something people can do with all ass sizes - we don't have to be all bootylicious about this - why not check to see who got kicked to the curb lately? It might just surprise you!



I actually untagged this picture of myself on Facebook. I don't know why I bothered cause I have a totally private profile. I regret untagging it now. Because you know me - Mrs. No Secrets. The last time I was in the Glasshouse was years ago with Nick Phillips / Noodles drinking Ayingerbrau [a.k.a. The Angry Brew] Rail slide down a tube station bench on my shoulder [how I did that I will never know] and throwing up all night bright orange vomit until Noodle's flatmates thought I was gonna lose a liver. Speaking of Noodles, I saw ANDREW HARTWELL of all people at PIZZA the other night. AND BDL walked past while our whole table got a glacial vibe shower from his girlfriend. AND FOUL PLAY FOWLER. The shame. That hadn't happened to me since about 1999 when Karl Hutchinson, Chris Chang Towers, Dan Moss and someone else - probably Smiler all rolled into The Bricklayers Arms AND SAT AT THE SAME TABLE. I was there with The Witch at the time choking on my pint. See how much I have changed? I would down pints back then with a full face of make-up with a severe bob and Prada shoes.

I'm off to have more of a living room disco chill out and max out those dance vibes. So much fun.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 12 August 2008

SO MY LOVE LIFE



ROTFLOL

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 10 August 2008

BLU TAK COCK GRAFFITI


Blu Tak Cock Graffiti, originally uploaded by ..Philippa...

I have been waiting for The Cardinal to Flickr this for some time so I can blog it. It is so LOLS.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 1 August 2008

BAR OF SOAP



It has been so embarrassing today. Every time someone comes in over 50 a really filthy song comes on my iPod. Today it was Bone Thugs "I'm too sexy for my mother fucking self and I'm going to fuck her in the ass as well" n Harmony. It was creepy like when a pervy sex scene comes on the TV when you are watching telly with your parents. Then I have to kind of creep round all casual and move onto the next song without looking like I'm doing anything suspicious. Cause then the next song will be something like Pussy Popping of course... My iPod needs washing out with a bar of soap.

But speaking of embarrassing, def not as embarrassing as that video that the two kids made above.

"Added: April 11, 2008 (Less info)
Just a video me and my cousin did...randomly. We're actually black.

We're WAYYY blacker than any of you bitches
Category: Music
Tags: Ecstasy rolling extacy ecstacy ex pills mdma bone thugs harmony music video rap black people white god drugs funny "

Errrr...

I remember watching movies at home on VHS like Tougher Than Leather, Beat Street or New Jack City and Dad trying to sit in on the movies and watching too but he would always give up in disgust cause he couldn't understand how all the black people were talking in the movies completely dumbfounded as to how my sister and I could follow what was going on.

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 29 July 2008

ONE FOR MANARA



xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 24 July 2008

I HURT PHIL

I hurt his feelings. It was a mistake. I can see that. I see his passion and his pain. Both of those things start with P. So does his name. But Philip sounds more like it starts with an F.



And today I am in the Shop sitting in the cool basement with my shoes off and feet up on a stool listening to ABBA sung in Swedish in a shirt I bought last summer and never wore and I went looking for some sandals this morning and couldn't find them and found the shirt instead. I had already changed three times but still didn't feel right but I found the shirt and my life just fell into place. I wonder if I can work Max's laptop to make a video like Mr Chips did? I hesitate only because I worry I will end up looking like I have an double chin.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 16 July 2008

SO EMO RIGHT NOW



Jo Apps sang this tonight at Hot Breath Karaoke at my request. It started something deep inside of me. Which revved like an engine fuelled by double Frangelico's [my own plus the ones for Mr Chips cause he didn't like his mixed with coke] and the 2-4-1 Cocktails. I fucking changed gear by the end of the night when this came on:



And by the time I got home, Mr Chips has told me to "Fuck Off" and I was sobbing down the phone to The Twin "Ohhh my God I don't know what I am going to do!! His eyes are too close together!!!"

Already my hangover is starting to knock on my door. I am by no means sleepy after sleeping all day and not being able to sleep all night from coughing the last few nights.

Perhaps I should take the advice of the The Twin and just go to bed...

xx Lektrogirl

[P.S. this is sounding pretty tragic isn't it?! OJ LOL]

OMG and on a random note - Denzel Washington! I feel just like him when he is an alcoholic in that great movie - fuck what was it called?! I can't remember but I wrote about it before on my blog. I watched it with Seb in Hamburg. It was INCREDIBLE.

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Thursday, 10 July 2008

=^..^= I CAN HAS HISTORY? =^..^=



Student Helene Dams has made the most amazing web page here that was forwarded to me today by Dragan Espencheid.

I have not seen such impressive work for some time.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 20 June 2008

RUM AND COCAL COLA

Mixed with beer. Who knew what a great hang over that would make? It definitely was a potion that removed all pain from my neck and shoulder allowing me to vibe along to R Kelly [My mind's telling me no.....] until this morning when I'm a crippled WRECK.



Here I am a 100% Babe Hair Babe so totally in love with myself I can't even look at Paul Pieroni. We had been to this exhibition at his gallery, seventeen, earlier.



Where the Cardinal and I had made this. It was great. Other visitors to the gallery saw it and were adding bottles like they were supposed to. I supposed no-one saw the value in the art there and it has been swept away. But whatever.



We bumped into Jenny Jenny in the street who was more than happy to pose with Lady. The Cardinal bought Lady from Nathaniel's new shop on Hackney Road full of the most amazing stuff.



See! Amazing! Jewellery, Clothes, Buttons, Music manuscripts, calligraphy practice, Gypsy Recipe Cook Books... all sorts...



And last night was the first night I met Phil. I mean WHAT A TOTAL BABE. [Not The Cardinal... I mean Chipstix Phil] His pictures on Facebook to date have not done him justice. He really is a handsome man! And so funny!!!


"Rambo" in a lonely pub

Giving birth is a Playa's Game.

Anyway - last night was major jokes and my body hurts too much to detail everything.



Paul Peroni definitely not fooling anyone.



We are SOOOO sad that Single White Female [DIAF] hates us.

I'm feeling so rough now and want to lie, cry and die right now I have to go. I will leave you with this beautiful Andrew Sisters song to reflect upon.



Thank you Captain Morgan.

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 17 May 2008

GETTING OLDER



Here is me 7 years ago - so 28. My arms are nearly as thin as the Cardinal's! I'm in Zurich, which in my opinion is the best city to spend some summer time with someone you love. There is the lake that you can swim in on a hot day. There is also the Limmat which in summer time turns into two river banks of makeshift bars so you can swim, drink and eat sausage all day and night. There is also the woods up behind all the allotments of private gardens for the city folk with their mini chalets full of tools and garden furniture. It is so pretty. In this picture, we are having a barbeque my friend and me. Bratwurst, cervelas and senf from Migros [LOL that joke about the slice of Swiss cheese and an iMac still cracks me up after all these years. You won't even remember it.] Thinking about Molfina Thunderhunter, fishing with a tin can, drilling holes and painting in the nude with all that sunshine I could almost think that time was perfect. Of course nothing ever is... Karin, Frau Wick, Monsieur Raide, DJ Bobo.



And here I am 11 years ago. JOKES. I had only been in London a year. Maybe not even.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 14 May 2008

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB

Unfortunately, due to the sensitivity of some of the subject matter contained therein, I was forced to XXCENSOREDXX sections of the last email from The G.A.

Takes me 2 and a half hours to s.s.s.* and dress myself each morning, which is why I am typing this note at 11.15 a.m.
Good to hear from you shags, NO I am not really a racist? I remember Ruthy Rare (rahray say) who was a New Zealand Moari and as dark as a fukkin blood sausage, Good fun though, Could play a ujke and sing like a thrush. Only quite little, hard to find in a double bed!!! XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX?
XXCENSOREDXX XXCENSOREDXX. shove it up yer joompa. Take ma's credit card and extract up to 20$ worth to buy yourself some British fish and chips. (think of me when you eat them!) I will give her my next fortnites allowance to cover your end. I hope to hell you can get a feed of f'n'c' for 20 $?
Yeah I know it must be tough having the imbalance problem. Specially if you got it off my side of the family. My ma and pa were quite a pair of fukkin wonkers during our lives. None of we three boys rarely ebver lived together, nor with our mother and father. We were always farmed out to one relative or another, even not relatives , just people who would take spare kids and bed 'em and feed 'em(like some old tart in Birmingham Mrs Hill) And Mrs Milligann in Renfrew street in Glasgow, et effincetera. Oo cares? that was yesterday and a whole lot of them ago. At least you and Sara spent most of your youth together, din ya?
I expect I was a bit of a pain in the arse. Selling grog and all. No wonder I ended up having a stroke.
I'll get a lottery ticket. We'll win 30 million and I'll come home! We'll live in the best hotel in Londinium! The Dorset? The Ritz? The park bench? Whatever
Luv from yer old fella. XXCENSOREDXX. cHEERS G.A. POPS.XXXX


I wish I could just leave that unXXCENSOREDXX cause it is so hilarious.
FYI - s.s.s. = shit shower shave

And thanks to everyone to wrote to tell me that they like my new video ALL OF MY FOR ALL OF YOU. It is always nice to receive positive vibes. We have all witnessed some odd behaviour from others on this blog of late. But like Lady Sovereign sang [I know - quoting her! YGM! LOLZ - but also kind of fitting]:

"Love me or hate me I'm still an obsession,
Love me or hate me that is the question,
If you love me then THANK YOU
If you hate me then FUCK YOU"



The best thing about that video is one of the garbage men who throws "Sov" in the truck is Jeyjon who used to be in Dead or Alive. NO JOKES.

xx Lektrogirl

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Sunday, 4 May 2008

TEKI LATEX

ROTFLOL



The only thing that would make this picture of Julien more perfect would be if he had his dick out in his left hand. I really want to go to Paris soon, and if Bitch Ass Darius comes in June, then I guess that is definitely gonna happen while we go and get all New Jack Swing with the Diamond Grills Boys.

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 12 April 2008

SPRUNG BY HIS MUM

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Thursday, 10 April 2008

THE JOHN DAVIDSON FAN CLUB

Well it seems that my father's email which I post on my blog recently has shown that he has a LOT of fans. Everyone I have bumped into since then has been like OMG I love your Dad. Cool.

So, here is a picture of his room at the home where he lives:



The dedicated observer will be able to count a number pictures of me on the wall to give variety and contrast to the little blonde heads and cute faces of my nephews and niece.

Now, I have an audio treat for you all - a little 400K MP3 of The G.A. telling us about his experience with his Internet Service Provider. Click here and listen closely.

And another tit bit of information about my father, The G.A. He is a very funny man and has made a number of classic jokes through his time. I would say an equal proportion were intended vs accidental. Anyway, this is my personal favourite joke.

The council wrote a letter to my father to remind him that the registration on the family dog Winnie [a corgi then buried under a rose bush] was due for renewal. My dad sent a one line letter back to the council saying, "Thank you for reminding me my best friend is dead."

I will endeavour to keep you updated on the life of The G.A. when I can.

xx Lektrogirl

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Monday, 25 February 2008

BANNED FROM YIGGA'S LJ

DJ Venom has banned me from his LiveJournal. MEGA LOL ROTFLOL CARTWHEELS!!! And I haven nothing against Jewish people - but Jew jokes always get a rise out of Venom. But seemingly I shouldn't be offended about all his "All the Australians..." comments.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 2 November 2007

HUMAN TETRIS

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Sunday, 21 October 2007

YESTERDAYS LOLZ

ME 09:39:20: yeah what is up with him!
HER 09:39:28: well insecurity
HER 09:39:40: and when i was in "love" with him i didn't see anything wrong with him
HER 09:39:51: now i'm not i know XXCENSOREDXX is a big fat balding man with a 2 inch penis
HER 09:40:11: before it was like "ooooh he's so cute and cuddly! and though he's small he knows how to use it awww"
HER 09:40:22: i'm such a hater
HER 09:40:47: and i was pretty insecure to go out with him too really
ME 09:40:57: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHH
ME 09:41:01: HAAHHAhHAHHAHAHAHAHhHAHAh
ME 09:41:02: HAhaHHAHAh
ME 09:41:03: HAHAHAH

Whenever I talk with HER on AIM it is always the best and funniest chats ever. I've been thinking about this every since laughing. I love you HER!!

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Friday, 19 October 2007

THROWN IN THE BIN



N.B. These three should be APC models.

x Emma

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