Tuesday, 22 January 2008


As I go through the piles of random stuff I have stored away in all sorts of places [rent books from when I lived in the homeless persons unit paying 6 pounds per week rent, passport photos and flyers from parties I DJ's at around Europe for example] I have had some wonderful things to think about in my head from - and I'm sure it will suprise many of you - the incredibly spiritual DJ Venom.

Just now he hit me up with an email:

"Philippa's the brunette Cat Blanchett [sic]. Discuss?"

I could only reply that there was nothing to be said cause it is true.

Last night I was asked "Describe Prancehall."

The only response I could think of was "The best thing to happen to UK Grime in the last two years."

Jo Mitchell also phoned me so we were able to discuss in detail Denzel Washington in the movie Training Day. Her favourite part is at the beginning where Denzel flicks all the switches in his car for the hydraulics and Dr Dre comes on the sound system. I prefer towards the end where Denzel looses it a bit and cried out into the ghetto streets "King Kong's got nothing on me!!" [I wonder if he ad libbed that part?]It is interesting perhaps to note at this point that Rick Ross also refers to his crew as gorillas and there is also the INCREDIBLY SPIRITAL cry R. Kelly makes in his song "Snake" - LIKE TWO GORILLAS IN THE JUNGLE MAKING LOVE !! Totally sexual spiritual vibes.

Anyway this line of conversation referencing big strong men and gorillas leads me to another Denzel Washington movie which I caught the end of on TV last night. WOW! Unbelieveable. I can't be bothered to get up and find the Heat magazine with the name of the movie in it. But it was about College football in a time where racism towards a black coach was more overt than it is today [maybe]. There were some monkey "jokes" in it and Denzel even threw a banana. But basically good triumphs over evil though someone ends up in a wheelchair in this movie too.

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 3 January 2008


Today I started a Flickr Group called WE ATE IT which you can see here flickr.com/groups/weateit. Given the nature of the shit that has happened on my blog recently it is sadly not an open group and you can join by invitation only. But if you want to join, let me know and I'll invite you no worries.

Basically, my new group is to feed something other than my appetite - it's my obsession with plate photography. I'm not the only one that does this. Some people I've inspired and others already had the piglet in them!

Look at this beautiful cake from Bok Bok

And this from Rat Boy David Robertson. I have to say that this looks fucking disgusting. I can see he has had a drink of his coke and hasn't touched anything else yet...

Here are a couple of personal favourites from my collection - which dominates the group at the moment but I've invited plenty and I hope they all find time to upload their foodaholic photos.

I went into the West End this arvo and saw Cardinal and we had a looooong afternoon tea at the Heals Meals cafe. The service was absolutely appauling and Philippa was right when she said that they should have made it more like Alice in Wonderland in there. Unfortunately, it was the second time I had been there and the service really was rubbish then too. But the cakes we had tonight were pretty good. I gave Philippa a bottle of Apple Liqueur from the Lark Distillery in Tasmania for Souvenir / Late Birthday present and a Tasmanian Devil oven mit. She liked them both and I was very pleased. The day I visited the Lark Distillery it was really fun. Mum nearly fell down a stair there which was pretty funny and it was 10.30am and the girl serving us was really helpful and wrote out loads of recipies for me to give to Philippa. Then the girl gave me a shot of Bush Liqueur which I really wasn't sure about cause I hadn't eaten any breakfast yet - but I have to tell you that this stuff was pretty amazing on an empty stomach. In fact it felt great! Check out the distillery here.

Then I saw Abbie and Lee who were talking about moving to Germany because one of them may have a job there. I felt much happier coming home today than I did when I set out. But fuck me it's freezing.

For the rest of the evening I am going to spend researching tiles and water pressure guauges to see how many bars my water pressure is to get the right shower fitting for my house. I am really nervous about starting work on Monday - there is a lot going on and my job role changed a bit before I left for my holiday last year.

And I worked out my New Years Resolution [Abbie's is to be Pescetarian to cut down on Global Warming] - I am going to make my house nice while there is no-one here to mess it up but me!

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 20 December 2007


Today I got sunburnt stringing up lights in the greengage and apple trees in the front garden. It was 27 degrees today with a really hot wind. I forgot about a hot wind and hot sun together. Pretty awesome. But I have pink arms now and pink cheeks. I'm going to be all freckly when I get back to London. Hopefully I will meet a man one day who thinks that is cute on someone my age. Anyway - the Christmas lights are now growing and nearly finished. I have some rope lights to put up and some more fairy lights for the front window. I was going to put the rope lights around the front door but their lead is too thick and I can't close the door properly. So that scuppered that plan. However Hobart is still the kind of place you can leave doors and windows open when you pop down to the road to pick up the papers from your neighbours house...

Apparently this evening there is going to be electrical storms. Bring it on! We have a corrugated iron roof so it will sound amazing.

Brunch was delicious. The coffee at Jackman and McRoss is INCREDIBLE. If only this place was in London. It would be great for a very casual date. Not for casual sex vibes BTW - but somewhere where you weren't sure what kind of shoes someone was gonna be wearing to the date and so you weren't sure if you liked them yet or not. YGM. Kind of like a "pre date see if you want to go on a date with them date". It would also be one of the places I would take Cardinal. It is 100% total girl gossip vibes place too. I got a text from her this morning saying she was having food and drinks at her house for Christmas. I was really missing her then! I really love my friends.

Later this arvo Mutts and I went to Coles and Kmart for some more lighting essentials [got a light up reindeer for $4!] and I also checked out all the knickers. Mid aisle I was all in a quandry. I mean - I buy all the fancy bras - and therefor the assumtion is I get the matching underwear. I have discussed this before on my blog - so sorry to go on - BUT now I am wondering if I am failing as a person for not having matching underwear and continuing with the mix and match style that I like. I was looking down the aisles really confused. My search to discover myself continues.

Then in Coles, I got stopped by two guys for photographing different food items in store. One had a pierced eyebrow and the other didn't. It would have been less embarrassing if Mum hadn't started going on with "She has grown up in this supermarket and I have been shopping here for 30 years" yada yada. They told me that I would have to ask the manager's permission to take pictures. Mum asked "Is the manager sitting there watching her on CCTV?" and the guy said "No the manager isn't even here." I tried to walk off into the potatoes but Mum was there telling them all about the things I take pictures of on my Flickr. Anyway here are some of the offending pictures:

Christmas Hams. Imagine the stomach cramps you would get if you totally stuffed yourself on these one after the other.

Dog Roll.

Kabana. Phallic. Amazing.

Anyway just for your information the photographing of all items in Coles is stricly prohibited. It makes me hate on Coles a little bit now. Anyway - gtg - I can overhear an interesting news piece on taxi drivers who rip off disabled kids by taking the long route home.

xx Lektrogirl

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Wednesday, 28 November 2007


Last night I went around to Cardinals armed with Migros Rosti and 2 MASSIVE pork swords of Swiss Olma Bratwurst.

You will not believe HOW HYPED we are to be going to Hamburg that we even eat Swiss food to pretend to be German. Cardinal is even luckier though - she is off to Munich for a couple of days earlier!

And here we are totally vibing. I brought one of my vintage souvenier scarves along to help the spirit.

Our first hurdle... Cardinal realised that the jar of sauerkraut she has in the back of her cupboard for yonks is almost impossible to open. I send her over the road to the pub she never visits to ask one of the fella's in there. Apparently, it wasn't until a woman offered that the jar was actually opened but she had to bang it on the floor first.

Our dinner. I was so stuffed after we ate it. Sorry to all the nations we may have offended to make that meal but we had a GREEEAAAATTT time!!

xx Lektrogirl

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Saturday, 17 November 2007


Okay so basically, here is my life lately. Glamour, great hair, fabulous tits and party lifestyle.

Actually no it was more like this - great in concept but something a bit wrong with the excution.

Last night I had to stay home in my pyjamas cause I was just too over everything and cold even though I was meant to DJ. I heard Prancehall got my back there so that was fine. I wonder if he would be suitable to play me in the movie of my life? Don't forget he will have to pork himself up [hope he isn't a Muzzie or a Jew] for the role. Prancehall had told me earlier that the squat party from last week was meant to be really good. So I told him about the toilets with the wet floor and the sink hanging off the wall, the smell of poppers and greasy onion baajis [some tell me how to spell that - this is when you know I'm still not Britsh cause I can't spell any Indian food], the woman with the latex pig masks etc and his words were "It sounds awful".

Hang on no scratch the second video and check the first one again. I had a brilliant night out for Kesh's birthday. Me and my glamourous friends met at Trader Vic's - Cardinal was even showing a bit of bra that DJ Venom couldn't help but notice, I blew Antoinette's mind by reeling of purchases she made from The World according To... over two years ago and coaxed Manara out to Yo Yo cause she was looking mega hot.


And in final news, Karma is working out beautifully. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

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Friday, 2 November 2007


Last night went out and had fun. I dont have to be at work today until 11am so that is an added bonus. We saw some band at Yo Yo that were pretty good. They looked like a Swedish gamboy band, except they made electronic beats and then this guy did 'soul house' singing over the top. I bet he really loved Dane Bowers when he was younger. I couldn't help but think that Nameless would shit himself to be in a band like that. Also, we saw Koffi who modelled for us at Katharine Hamnett for the SS08 collection. I've been wetting my knickers over him ever since.

Here is Philippa looking smug. It was Koffi's birthday at midnight and he is French so there were kisses all round.

I got a lecture last night from DJ Venom that I am actually 100% prime quality gash for any B-Boy and I could have any guy in the place, except there is one area letting me down [I was thinking 'my arse', 'my glasses'...] which in Daniel's opinion is my shoes. He explained it very eloquently as "Guys are such nerds, all they look at is the feet and in a place like this your shoes just won't do. It is either the tits or the shoes and you don't have any tits." Apparently he went and bought some new shoes recently because he needed some new ones. He really liked all the shoes that are available for girls in all the "pretty colours".

Here are DJ Venom's feet. Perhaps there is something in what he says because look at all the wet marks on the floor. That is from random gash where girls have rushed him to get his number because of his shoes.

I spent the rest of the night pointing out the shoes of every girl in the place. The only girl I saw with remotely B-Boy Gash shoes was a tiny Japanese girl in a woolley who was a girlfriend of one of the break dancers. And after he did his dance thing with some other "brothers" or whatever B-Boys call each other, they just sat in the corner.

The only people who seemed to be getting any action of note last night were these two:

Physically, they were responding well to anything a bit reggaeish - if you get my drift. Not a sneaker in sight though.

OMG = 'celebrities' we saw last night were Sean Paul, Kellie Osborne, Amy Winehouse and Kevin Federline. I'm an expert at that game and it seems Philippa has an eye for it too. Another reason to love her so much.

Anyway - I will note Daniel's comments. It will be hard to try and wear any of my existing styles out because I really hate the the thought of getting a single drop of anything on the shoe - Gucci leather fur lines high tops, Nike valentine's day high tops [ahhh good times with Nameless in Hamburg.] But next time I go to Yo Yo I will try his theory out and try better sneakers.

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 1 November 2007


Cardinal and I taste tested her local pub The Lord Stanley last night instead of dressing up and getting drunk at The Real Gold party. I wonder how it went? I wanted to go as a tattooed bearded lady from the Freak Circus. And wear my "new million dollar boots" boots.

From the dayglo colours of our food, I wonder if the chef was even getting a bit in the spirit of Halloween? It is a nice pub though with a high level of good looking men who look like they have interesting lives. Unlike the St John on Junction Road where the half done roast potatoes gave both Philippa and I serious stomach problems. [Never Go Back...]

As we walked in the general direction of home from The Lord Stanley, we bumped into these beauties waiting for the 390 bus.

One of them is called X lady lippy X.

I walked all the way home and after passing through the assualt course of teenage boys with Scream masks and baseball bats, boys dressed in Reebok tracksuits letting off fireworks and the odd "sexy witch" I bumped into all these girls again at the mini mart over the road from Tufnell Park tube station whooping it up with the bottle of Smirnoff Ice and Cherry Lambrini. What a party!

Here is my Halloween song dedicated to the North London Girls who were out on the lash night:

And I hope the Lord can save you all this morning like it saved Cliff Richard.

And when I become a better lesbian than I already am [I only scored a 12 on the Lesbian test on Facebook!!! NOT GOOD] I'm gonna get really drunk and dance around to this song - this is going to be MY SONG...

I didn't even know it until today!

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 26 October 2007


God I have been so miserable lately finding out about big lies and little lies from little people who can't keep their big mouths shut. [What goes around comes around.] On to more positive vibes, what a gorgeous surprise to see the pictures Cardinal took the other day and me looking so happy! Here is a very rare picture of me SMILING with a ginuwine face having a happy time doing happy things. Thank fuck I am normal after all.

And as I have been reminded that my mother reads my blog when we had big chats on the phone this morning [she was telling me all about my sister's new job as a swimming teacher] and mum also commented on my pink nipples in some picture [shame] I thought I best put some more pics up of me just for her. With my clothes on.

This is me in a club Mum. What I am doing with my hand is called "throwing signs". What this one means is "2 in the pussy [vagina] and 1 in the bum". I don't actually know if that just means with fingers or dicks, but either way it purile and funny and I even taught Katharine Hamnett how to do. FYI Mum I never had sex with more than one person at once so I could have only ever acheived this with the fingers but to tell you would be TMI. [see note below.]

Tek Weh Yuself!
Here is me in the same club later in the night Mutts. [Everyone else - Mutts is the name I call my mother.] I am saying "You Get Me?" to Philippa. Which means "Are we on the same wavelength?" I was only a little bit drunk that night and I didn't "Get my rocks off" as you used to say about cousin James going to Amsterdam. Oh no actually the next day I ended up puking once in a saucepan and Nameless had to come over with a loaf of bread cause I was too ill to get any food. He actually ate most of the bread cause I couldn't and shaped the loaf into an Oriental slipper for me. I must have been pretty wasted. Not as bad though as in my youth when you took me to the doctor for the injections to stop puking. Oh God. That was bad.

xx Lektrogirl

TMI = Too Much Information. Here is an amazing conversation which used TMI to great advantage and works some graet TMI extras in too!

him 22:10:16: GROSSSS I dont imagine its like this at all
him 22:10:39: haha oh man next time i see him all ill be able to think will be
me 22:10:40: this video is the last way on earth i would want to bang
him 22:10:41: XXCENSOREDXX
me 22:10:45: XXCENSOREDXX
him 22:10:53: XXCENSOREDXX
him 22:10:58: omg
him 22:10:59: just FYI
him 22:11:09: im not one of these people whos like TMI
him 22:11:21: or DID *NOT* WANNA KNO THAT
him 22:11:23: but if i was was
him 22:11:32: id be like doing TMI cartwheels right now
him 22:11:47: TMI fukin firework show
me 22:11:51: HAHAHAHA
me 22:12:14: ROTFLOL
him 22:12:35: anyway i dunno if ill be able to look at him in the same way (neutral)
me 22:12:46: and it is so funny cause the neighbourhood bad boyz are letting off crackers now

P.P.S. For reference, this is the video we are talking about:

WHAT A HO!! This is the worst song and video ever and makes me want to puke.

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Tuesday, 16 October 2007


Big Word! Nelly's fashion line Apple Bottoms has finally hit meez.com - Praise!!

I actually saw a REAL girl on the tube once wearing a pair of Apple Bottoms jeans with big embroidered apples on each pocket. I was kind of blown away.

Last night was really fun. Was round at ASBO's crib with Zara, Cardinal, Ronojoy and Deano and had a really delicious dinner. Late night and early start and I'm feeling it. I can't believe that Ronojoy remembers me from a 10 minute meeting 3 years ago - amazing. Watch this space people cause W.S.P.P. might actually be happening. Can't give too much cause I know there are always haters trying to peep my steelo. But here is a clue:

xx Lektrogirl

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Thursday, 11 October 2007


Massive ear ache today and I think it is too much late night tete a tete on this fucking Nokia . You get me. I'm in the back of a black cab right now on Finchley Road and I have to tell you how urban it is getting round here lately, you get me. The McDonalds has got all jazzed up which is a sign og ghetto McDonalds are back in business. Easy Internet or whatever it was has gone - but they were like gone, even when they were still there - you get me. So in McDonalds I noticed they have a series of American burgers - Texas, Chicago and Vegas. The Vegas Classic has a slice of that plastic cheese with flecks of red and green capsicum in - slice of puke - you get me. I thought they should be profiling THE GREAT CSI BURGERS and have them for New York, Miami and Vegas. Obviously McDonalds have done a lot of market research that brings them to conclude that puke cheese is gonna work for them so I wont air pie them on that idea. But the Miami burger could be alligator meat and the New York on is obvious - ground up hot dog meat. Then Gary Sinease could be there like flipping burgers and one of the others could be in the ad too calling out "Hey! Mac!" Y.G.M??!!! What a CSI joke I MADE THERE. big ups me. Y.g.m.

Anyway, laterz I walked past a very fly 15 year old with a giant fro comb on his bike. Hey was also 'macking'. Y.G.M!!

XX Lektrogirl

P.S. Chorley and Phillipa are back from America! Yee-harrr!! I hope that means drinks and goodtimes again soon!!!

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Monday, 27 August 2007


My Saturday started so well - Pippa and I knocked the VAT on the head, we managed to work out iMovie together [I prefer Windows Movie Maker FYI] and she made this cute little movie about nearly all the food we ate all day.

You might think that is kind of a random thing to go posting first when I have such cool pics to show you, but trust me - this is going somewhere.

So, after work Pippa and I knocked a bottle of Rosé on the head with "finger food" sized portions of chips at the Coach and Horses. Then who should roll up but the old 7 Year Glitch crew with DJ Assault.

Happy Days. Everyone has their best Photoface[TM] on.

I lept up and introduced myself to DJ Assault with a big kiss although I have to say I couldn't believe ASBO D would have the nerve to turn up smiling after the last time I saw him was in the Macbeth and he said to me "PREPARE TO FEEL THE FULL FORCE OF MY HATRED" with his eyes nearly bugging out of his head. I found it a bit sexual at the time. But more about the full force of ASBO's hatred later.

DJ Assault has both his hands full with our F.U.P.A.'s
Hard to believe but true, I had cracked DJ Assault up with a few jokes ranging from some smutty innuendo offering to suck his dick [and I thought Americans didn't have that kind of sense of humour!] and also explaining to him what showerface means. And Pippa has a picture to prove it but I sure as hell hope this NEVER surfaces on the internet. In this picture, Philippa and I are trying to hold it together after DJ Assault explains in secret what F.U.P.A. means - and there I was thinking he had said 'faux pas' trying to tell him he had bad French. Little did I know it was an acronym for FAT UPPER PUSSY AREA.

DJ Assault with All Dem Hoes
What the fuck I look like I don't know - I'm sideways and wider than everyone else in the picture. Philippa and Pippa have bonded after realising that they both have identical names - both Philippa Ann. Philippa found out today at some carnival that Pippa is Greek for blow job. I must remember to tell Pippa that when I see her next.

Like the end of a tin of Quality Street you always end up with an odd assortment.
Even so, isn't my ex-husband beautiful? Next time XXCENSOREDXX you wanna go flirt with him, you better watch out cause I look at this picture and it just makes me want to hate you more you rat headed sharp faced hoe.

Big Ups to DJ Assault for keeping it straight edge with a secret exlir juice that Pippa was getting the bar to make for him. I thought he was into milk, but he told me that he doesn't drink that any more cause he had to watch his physique. DJ Assault is so sweet and funny. I even got to see under his hat. He is perfect for cuddling.


I've only got a little bit of a crush on DJ Assault now. But I don't really know how happy he is with me after I told him the girl on his t-shirt had no ass or titties. Tho' that didn't stop him from staring and my titties all night. He said he wasn't but he so was!

So after a jolly night drinking ASBO sped off into the night with DJ Assault and we [I?] decided it would be an incredible idea to go to Trisha's. I already had a skin full on an empty stomach.

From this:

To this:

I have to tell the whole world THANK YOU BRAINS and I'm so sorry for making those coupld of jokes you found too personal. You are my hero for staying with me until 4am in Soho while I puked my soul up. Then convincing the Somali cab driver I wasn't to wrecked to take me home.

This song is for you:

Anway fans and party people, the last time I was ill like that was in Tasmania 10 years ago and my mother had to take me to the doctor to get an injection to make me stop wretching when there was NOTHING left. I had been longing for my old days for a while now - thinking "Life was so much more exciting when I was 25" but I really know that I would rather be 35...

xx Lektrogirl

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Tuesday, 14 August 2007


There is something quite romantic waking up and hearing the rain hitting the leaves on the trees in my little garden. But the romance fucking ends when I have to get out of bed and get ready for work. I hate it when the weather is like this - WHAT TO WEAR? You end up either too hot or too cold... I guess I will have to take a tip out of the grime fashion wardrobe and wear a cardigan. Hey blud I'm not trying to be urban, I'm just a bruv trying to get through the day. You get me?

Last night I had dinner with The Cardinal at The Star at the end of my street. Philippa told me so many hilarious stories I might as just write XXCENSOREDXX across the whole page today. My favourite one was about someone else and their website. She was saying XXCENSOREDXX probably checks their stats every day across every search engine and plots little graphs. I was already snorting with laughter. "They probably have the 'XXCENSOREDXX performance graph' for Yahoo and another one for Ask Jeeves even." I wonder if they check Wikipedia for themselves yet? Later on in bed I have to say I was thinking - actually I don't think XXCENSOREDXX is all that bad... Perhaps Philippa was using XXCENSOREDXX as an alegory for me! FYI I'm not on Wikipedia yet except as a release on the Rephlex page. Anyway the conversation had turned to graphs because Philippa and I both have to make a lot of shit in Excel for our respective jobs. She explained to me how to do this split table thing I never got the hang of. Sad but true. The two hottest babes on the border between Kentish Town and Archway spending their night together bitch about people who don't know how to use the Microsoft Office programs.

Check this out - the Dutch version:

Shit - I gotta go and change outfits. I'm already too hot in this dress I'm wearing. Our maybe it is all the sexy Excel talk getting me hot under the collar.

xx Lektrogirl

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Friday, 3 August 2007


Oh god too many night on the razz and I should have got in early today to get cracking on the bank reconciliations waiting for me while the office is quiet cause everyone else is at Portobello. I just found this video though and decided it was worth getting out of bed today cause I might meet a skinny French dude who dances like a spazz that has a GSOH, enjoys going and for dinner and "likes to party". HAHAHA whenever someone says that I totally crack up now cause Katharine always says it as the ultimate pisstake.

Katharine about to tell a joke for the over 30's with Wino Winehouse hair for JoJo's leaving party.

My starter from last night. Spinach [for muscles] Fennel [for whatever] Egg [for protein] and two eyes. I felt a bit like I was eating Kermit the Frog.

Thanks to Philippa's astute cocktail drinking the night before, I knew to choose an astringent refreshing bubbly light champagne cocktail to set me up for this night of party vibes. Here is the Julie's version of the French 75. Delicious!

This was Philippa's cocktail the night before at the Hawksmoor. I could have stripped off and had a bath in it! All those fruits in Philippa's drink from the Hawksmoor are actually the fruits that didn't get chosen for the Ribena ad and they all go so depressed they commited suicide.

Fit. Maoris who can get me all juiced up doing the haka.

This is great cause the Tongan team also do their version. Brrrap that.

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Sunday, 29 July 2007


I'm meeting Philippa today at The Palmerston today at 2pm for anyone who is interesting in coming along to give me a shanking. I consider I have a good chance at survival cause I am very near the Whittington Hospital. Philippa is hilarious and I have to remember to ask how her syphilitic cat is. But if one day Philippa turns on me I need to be prepared and this leads me to one of my new online photographic exhibitions I irregularly curate. This one is called "People who look like they would make nice friends I found on Flickr [because at this rate it looks like I'm gonna have none.]"

And my second exhibition as advertised:

If you didn't realise that you could view the exhibition by clicking the logo, you can also click here

is a label I have used throughout my blog for things I consider to be truly profound. Please take the time to check this tag to view such amazing posts as "Baddest Nigga 4 Ever" [Snoop Dogg and muscular black men], "ME ON THE RADIO", "TOTALLY SEXUAL" [really incredible YouTube videos of hot men dancing]and finally "JUST AN ILLUSION" [the YouTube video for the best song ever which ALSO has a magnificant video! Cannot be missed!!].

So check out
cause it really is totally just like the label says.

xx Lektrogirl

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