A PROPER UP-NON-DATE

On the night of the non-date I will take the time to write something for a change, instead of one liners or blogging a picture or something something from somewhere.

Can someone tell me what happened? I don't know what happened. I think I was a Throwawayfuck all because I was too much tough talking - but maybe I was just a Throwawayfuck - but I don't know.

It was all because of a pair of shoes in TOPSHOP. I tried them on. I kind of wanted them. But did I really? - no I didn't = because I wouldn't have thrown them down on my way to the till to buy them the first night. The following evening I went back WANTING THEM. They were blue and suede with heels and nice enough. A second before I requested my size, two teens had asked for them. There was only one pair. They sat there nursing them while the better looking one of the two tried on two sequinned gold jackets. Both jackets were horrible and looked cheap and looked really really horrible. I sat quiet and WAITED for this shoes. They were cradling the box, they were petting it. They hadn't even tried them on. I just wanted them. I left in the end totally frustrated thinking "WHY OH WHY AND WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!" Because the night I had tried on the shoes and rejected them I had been to the pub and the guy that worked there told me his girlfriend had moved out kind of randomly. I had wanted to go out on a date with this guy for the longest time.

Anyway - I just had to cut myself short there. I asked this guy out. We had a great time for about a week.

Then I had a really horrible time.

Now I am having no time.

And most of all I ask myself the question "What the fuck were you doing in TOPSHOP anyway?" It turned me into a Throwawayfuck.

But see how I didn't really want the shoes?
The man kissed like the only other Italian I kissed - straight tongue and used it like a dribbley sword. Not that hot. It improved.

As you can see, this is probably why I haven't written so much on my blog lately. My brain in like alphabet soup.

SOME GOOD THINGS COMING UP THOUGH: Parisian visitors BOOYAH!!! Maybe I go to Nantes again!!! Going to Australia in March 10 via Singapore WOOHOO!!!

Which will all go to heal the shame of being a Throwawayfuck all for the sake of a pair of TOPSHOP shoes. Bwwwaaarrrfghhh.

xx Lektrogirl

WHEN IS THERE A DRY SPELL?

I walked back from dinner and he said "Some people are just destined to spend their lives single." I was laughing and crying with snot and tears down my face I begged him to stop and he said that it was just how it is sometimes. I couldn't even walk any more and cried and said "This year has been so so horrible. Please stop. I can't bare it." And kept laughing too. Someone else said I was emotionally incontinent.



My mother called and told me she had read my blog the other day. Before she went on I had to hold the phone away from my ear and shout "No no no please don't tell me you've read it. You can read it if you want but I don't want to hear what you have to say about it." Which turned into a big conversation about how on evening at the dinner table she sat their with my sister quoting sections of my diary they found back to me with great hysterics between the two. I was so ashamed. I wanted to die. So it must come as no great surprise then that after that my boundaries on public and private are totally fucked.



I heard some great gossip stories this weekend. I was really laughing hard. I also found some BRILLIANT material for the Sex Attack video.

HOUSEWORK

At my new job I have been TCB - [learnt this from Bok Bok via Manara - Take Care of Business.] Basically, getting stuck into some long overdue paperwork house keeping so that I can get cracking with my job properly. So sorting, filing, researching, asking questions, updating computers etc etc. The people I work with are super nice and couldn't be more helpful - but for those of you who read my blog who have ever had a job [so that would be 90% the girls, 30% of guys who have had 'real jobs' 30% of guys who have kind of had 'pretend jobs' that were just like DJing for cash or something but it still counts - the left over girls and 40% men you won't get this] - you will understand that a new job is always A LOT; Working out if you wore the right thing, who will be your allies, how everyone has their tea, how long you can talk on the phone without looking like a slacker, can you install Miranda/Trillion etc... S.T.R.E.S.S. And of course, overcoming my Internet addiction and having to drink cows milk for the time being out of an ugly cup. [How long can I leave it before I can bring in my own china teacup for plunger coffee without everyone thinking I'm a tosser but thinking I'm cool and quirky? YGM?]

So the following song, Let There Be House, is dedicate to me and my new job.



This song also holds some very deep connections to my life back in Tasmania. When this record first came out, I bought the 12" and went totally nuts listening to it over and over and dancing all the stresses of my life out in the hallway on Mum's new carpet. I was in year 11 or 12 - so 16 or 17. I was the bane of Mum's life - because the carpet was so new and woolly, one dance session would kick up all the new fluff of the wool - virtually tumble weave - that she would go round clucking and picking up spluttering at me "Stop It!! You are kicking up all the carpet!! You will dance a hole in the carpet!!"

Listening to this song again now is a really great de-stress session for me. On top of the new job and the heartbreak over the Chanel lipstick really not being up to scratch, I had a fucking shit start to the week over really weird weird stuff that has also been on my mind. I just feel so much is in the bin right now - more like hard knocks from other people's misplaced weirdness - and like my astrology said today - 'just let it be like water off a duck's back' which is true, but when I'm super stressed/tired about a new job its hard. I went out to dinner with Max tonight and he asked me about all my woes [I cried in China Town - AGAIN! - FFS!! I really must be hitting menopause!!] and it was so nice to be sitting with one of my oldest bestest craziest friend 'chewing the fat'.

Something to look forward too though! I am going to Nantes to see Puyo Puyo and Eva on the 18th October for a gig there. WOOHOO. I don't know who else is playing but I am sure it will be excellent. I haven't seen them since I met them in Liege - the same night I met Lu and Bernd from Mash Gordon. FUCK ME!! THAT WAS A PARTY!! Yerrr...

NOT MY IDEA

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Pippa's feet.

YERRR REALLY HIDEOUS

It is no secret - I have been really vile lately. To everyone. To myself. To one person in particular who I think the world of and I have been a TOTAL loser. To other people who I have met along the way and really wasn't thinking clearly. I can't scrub any of that out. I wish I could. But I'm so like Cher on a warship right now you'd be like confused as to who was who. You Get Me?

So what changed? Well having someone unhappy with me really wasn't a good look. But waking up and feeling homesick and hung over and dreading another day unfolding. It felt like a long time ago. I really thought those days were far behind me. The turning point came when Fambles came over and watched TV with me. I did nothing but lie there while Fambles watched some show about the pilgrimage to Mecca. We didn't speak. Then today was the cure: I got the opportunity to have a big cry in an office with a man I just met [I don't know why - I always find men easier to talk to, especially strangers] and then I scooted off into town to meet Fambles again and go shopping. It was so good to have some serious old jokes times on a spiritual level.

*******
I just tried to explain two of the best jokes from the day and one involved preferring to get AIDS than have unprotected sex and the other about a guy with a camo backpack who walked past us. Neither joke translates at all.
*******

So yeah, the storm is over for now. I've been a dick. I was totally why u onnu bad mind? Like totally getting your period in a posh pair of expensive knickers. The worst. [This did not actually happen - it was an allegory: i.e. ON A PAR]

xx Lektrogirl

SO EMO RIGHT NOW

Jo Apps sang this tonight at Hot Breath Karaoke at my request. It started something deep inside of me. Which revved like an engine fuelled by double Frangelico's [my own plus the ones for Mr Chips cause he didn't like his mixed with coke] and the 2-4-1 Cocktails. I fucking changed gear by the end of the night when this came on:



And by the time I got home, Mr Chips has told me to "Fuck Off" and I was sobbing down the phone to The Twin "Ohhh my God I don't know what I am going to do!! His eyes are too close together!!!"

Already my hangover is starting to knock on my door. I am by no means sleepy after sleeping all day and not being able to sleep all night from coughing the last few nights.

Perhaps I should take the advice of the The Twin and just go to bed...

xx Lektrogirl

[P.S. this is sounding pretty tragic isn't it?! OJ LOL]

OMG and on a random note - Denzel Washington! I feel just like him when he is an alcoholic in that great movie - fuck what was it called?! I can't remember but I wrote about it before on my blog. I watched it with Seb in Hamburg. It was INCREDIBLE.

I ALWAYS HATED CRYSTAL CASTLES

They always seemed really fake. And now I know why:



Lo-bat. is a really good friend of mine - he was even at my wedding with his girlfriend Wendy. Probably, if he had been asked he would have been up for any kind of collaboration or his music being used. A shame he didn't even get the chance.

What I don't get is why musicians do this - rip someone off so blatantly and think they aren't gonna get found out. There was some other Scandiavian twats who did the same thing recently too. I can't think who they were...

Anyway - if you want to hear the tracks that Crystal Castles have ripped off and ignored the Creative Commons license that they were distributed with, check Lo-bat.'s website. WARNING - complete chip musician nerd zone... LOL... Actually before I say that, Wauter [Lo-bat.] is a classically trained guitarist at some amazing school in Belgium AND a brilliant cartoonist.

xx Lektrogirl

SQUATLIFE

SQUATLIFE - Trailer


From the Chelmsford Film Society.

xx Lektrogirl

INTERNET PRANK CALLER

Check out the Internet prank caller. He sits at home all day on the internet cause he's got nothing to do.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Thanks Japps

TRAINING DAY

I FINALLY got to see Training Day that Jo "To Pimping!" Mitchell has been going on about for so long. It stars Denzel Washington [I have a minor obsession with his acting ability], Ethan Hawke [I fucking HATE him] SNOOP DOGG as a wheelchair bound crack dealer and Dr Dre as a rogue cop [a bit like Ice T in Law and Order only scarey.]


If you don't believe me about Snoop Dogg, start watching about 5 minutes in - I nearly cried laughing. Sadly I promised Carrie that she could have Snoop and I would stick with R Kelly yesterday in Jerk City but it was kind of a fake promise - I was secretly thinking "Yeah I will say it here for arguments sake but deep down we know Snoop is mine." So sorry Carrie. I lied in the name of love.

Other people being fake in town have got found out big time tho'. XXCENSOREDXX got caught out telling XXCENSOREDXX one thing and then telling XXCENSOREDXX something so different it's laughable. I have screen grabs of both conversations where XXCENSOREDXX tells the story and the poor quality lying is just embarrassing. LOSER.

But back to Denzel Washingtons and his acting ability. If it wasn't for the poor acting of Ethan Hawke and his jarring appearance every time he was on screen I could have been lead to believe that this was a real life portrayal of the ghetto so convincing was Denzel. He continued to employ his stiff neck head bobbing thing that Bill Cosby also uses to great effect when making a serious point. The midnight murderers who played their roles with balaclavas and big black van were neither predictable or an overused archetype in a Hollywood movie. They way Denzel's body convulsed as he was being riddled with bullets from automatic weapons what definitely watching the whole movie for.

I would have loved to watch the movie the whole way through in Spanish:


I was talking Jo Apps last night who is in Philadelphia and loving it I understand. We discussed the public physical fight between two men in Fabric the other night. As Jo Apps said "What is London coming to with all this violence going on? Everyone is going to be running round with guns come picnic season!" I have to say that I have witnessed the harsh reality of how life could be when watching Training Day if everyone doesn't take a step back and a deep breath. If you haven't seen it already I implore you to watch Training Day, the "Cool and exciting" and "Cracking cop drama... refreshing to see a thriller worthy of the label" for which Denzel Washington received an Acadamy Award in 2001 for his Leading Role for some home truths and watch Good triumph over Evil.

xx Lektrogirl

WOE IS ME

It is the last night I spend here in Tasmania and while I hear tales of fisticuffs at the residences' of gentlemen back in London, things have turned sour here too. I accidently slammed my nephews head the the car door in the Kmart car park. It was a stinking day with hot winds and everyone had hot tempers and Sam and I both ended up crying. Me for much longer on a bench outside my sisters house in the wind with tears streaming down my face all about everything and nothing.


Also my exbroken leg from the car accident has been aching all day like crazy. I knew it was gonna rain and it has just started now. It is so weird how that happens.


Today on the way to the raspberry farm, we drove past dozens of poppy fields. Pharmaceutical companies grow them here just in open fields it is a huge business for Tasmania but it is all a huge illegal drug industry too. Each district has a 4 person Poppy Patrol to patrol the fields. How this is effective I don't know because the fields grow right up to the side of the road and are open access to anyone with signs saying "Entry prohibited" and there are loads of fields everywhere. (Mind you - the youth detention centre only just got a real security fence put round it recently when they got sick of kids escaping. Again - highway right nearby. Big scandal recently was staff at the centre were n big trouble for downloading porn onto computers at their workstations. Anyway...) So back to the Poppies. I asked my brothewr in law about the Poppies cause he used to patrol it and he said that people stole crops all the time. But now dummy crops are now mixed in with real crops so that if they are stolen, processed and used the same way as the real stuff in fact the dummy crop will be fatal - you will die. Amazing! Also co-incidentally today we say my B-I-L on patrol at the scene of a major accident and waved to him from the car on the way to the raspberry farm. Some car had decided to do a u-turn in the highway and some other car jack knifed it and there road was blocked and there was a hugh smash up. No-one died though. That would have been gross.

xx Lektrogirl

I <3 SHOPPING

Totally was weird. I had this moment in the fitting rooms. I couldn't stop looking at myself thinking "life is different now". I don't know if I am mental or sane. Either way it meant I was an hour late for meeting Paul at Top Of The Town. So I had to go find him at Wong Kei which always makes me cry in there after the shittiest night of my life some years ago with an Irish cunt called Kevin Sheridan. I made Paul leave his plate of puke behind and we went and had our old usuals at T.O.T.T. Me - Sweat and Sour Pork. Him - String Bean Szechuan Style with Pork. But I was late for everything today. I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date... I hope Dal forgives me.

So I tried on a lot of clothes today as well. I was in the Mui Mui section trying on knitwear with this puffy mohair sleeves. They made me look like I had arms like the Gorilla in the Cadbury's commercial. Really. So I went back to the area I was really interested in - the Lingerie. Unfortunately, Alex Tea must have got lost on the way cause he Facebooked me to say he was gonna meet me in Agent Provocateur at 3 to help me choose bra's but he didn't show. Gutted. In my deep greif, I ended up buying four new bra's.


Vampirella. I was talking with Manara the other day about one knocker being bigger than the other.


Frumpy. I really like awkward underwear. There is a bra in Fifi Chachnil in Paris that I am obsessed with that I have gone back to see twice now. Only it is hideously expensive cause it is made from silk. And usually by the time I get there I have spunked my money in the antique jewellery shop over the road.

Anyway - while shopping in Agent Provocateur for these two, the music that came on was WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT:

Joe Jackson: Steppin' Out
FUCK WHAT AN UGLY MAN!!! Talk about ruin your vinegar stroke.
but I this is the third time I have heard this song in a shop lately... A while ago it was this:

His hip rolling though is really bad... [check end of the post for more...]


Cutey. This one is DJ Venoms favourite, but I dedicate this one to the man in the bar who I think is cute but I'm not sure if he is gay or not. I'm glad that DJ Venom, my lifestyle coach did have words to say about my shopping tonight on AIM.

00:21:34: do you think i should take the blue bra [not pictured] back
00:22:13: i think you need blue pants to go with it
00:22:24: i never wear matching underwear
00:22:31: cheap ho
00:22:36: yeah i know
00:22:42: you'll never impress a guy like that
00:23:02: i often wear matching socks, pants and t-shirt
00:23:08: same pantone
00:23:18: the only other person i know who does that is a homo. but he is thebest dressed man i know
00:24:53: omg - XXCENSOREDXX* agrees with you about the matching knickers

* Would love to tell you but I can't. Here is what he said tho' online tonight.

00:24:02: my lifestyle coach, daniel lee, says i will never impress a guy if i dont wear knickers that match my bra.
00:24:05: is that true?
00:24:23: yeah
00:24:25: totally true
00:24:40: does it have to be the same set or can it colour co-ordinate.
00:24:48: same set
00:24:58: fuck me
00:25:13: that is gonna be a LOT
00:25:16: yep
00:27:09: do all girls match their underwear?
00:27:23: i mean i imagine rhiannan does
00:27:31: sorry that is a lezza i know
00:27:40: i mean the umbrella girl
00:27:57: yeah i think so
00:27:59: most do
00:28:09: o rly

Sadly, my obsession - that was started by Ramiro Elena - rests with bras alone. Not knickers. My other obsession is taking pictures up girls skirts.


Here is Jo, the new girl at work. Her photoshop skills are exception and she has an amazing eye for detail. Though the small hole in her tights might lead you to a different opinion of her. That and the chipped nail polish.

Finally: Keeping with the sexual vibe of this post - on to the Hip Rollin videos that are good. No no, they are AAMMAAZZINGGGG!!




BANGABLE.

xx Lektrogirl

GIVE A GIRL A BREAK

So she might be looking more Xtina these days and didn't do such a great job performing 'live' [the look on 50 Cents face is worth far more than his name in the video of that event] but I still love Britney.

THE CLAP

One thing I love about not living with Brains any more is that he always used to clap really loud when he walked in to the room when I was DJing at home. I never got why he did that.

xx Lektrogirl

SUNDAY NOT FUN DAY

HOT CHOCOLATE: Emma


Spoke with Mum this morning and was telling her the latest with Nameless: All about this girl who he has been hanging out with. Apparently he told her "Emma thinks you hate her." Do you HATE it when people do that? Particularly as Nameless is prone to do - get the whole thing arse about face - seeing as I actually hate this girl myself as Nameless has been telling me all about how he thinks that this girl might be flirting with him, and he isn't actually particularly interested in ACTUALLY her, but to have sex with someone would be nice. I totally freaked out, completely heartbroken and cried for two days. My poor mother listened to the who boring story and then said "Emma, Nameless is a loser. I don't know why you don't just shut the door in his face and let him ruin his own life, instead of yours." Having said that I know that Mutts actually likes Nameless too. But she does think he is a loser. Hahaha. I told her that she is right, but I don't have anyone else to fix my wireless network when it's down so to cut him out totally would be a mistake. She said "I see your point."

In more jolly news, I went out with Brains, Philippa and James last night to Bar Du Marche for dinner. I had worked for Max in the office doing his personal accounts which was fun - we had lunch at the New Piccadilly and cunted a few people out while we worked. Then after finishing early, I went and hooked up with Philippa and James, had a glass of the WAG's curse Rosé and we waited for Brains who had been hanging out with DJ Magic. Brains said Hi and gave a massive grin. His teeth were FULL of black shit - he had been talking all afternoon with Jerk Chicken between his teeth to DJ Magic. All night Brains was telling me "I've got Jammer's number - why don't you ring him?"

I can't decide from dinner which picture is funnier. They both crack me up equally:




Dinner was really nice and plenty of jokes all round. I even told the story of getting hit by a car.

SISTERS OF MERCY: Emma


So what's with all the Emma videos? At work, Roxy plays Roxanne a lot and we sing it to her [with our own lyrics] but we also have all being trying to think up songs for all the other names of the girls in our office. We need a Jo, Jess, Cissi, Kellie, Alice, Katharine and Emma is definitely covered thanks.

And on my final note right now - Nameless, please don't make me have to roll up to the Old Blue Last one night in a blonde wig and glitter shoes to sing this at someone:

xx Lektrogirl

TOTALLY BROKEN HEARTED

So yes it is true. Someone can dump you and then dump you again without having even got back with you. A certain exhusband who will remain nameless, will remain nameless cause is name isn't worth repeating right now unless it is with a sign of derision. It's OK. He is going to the movies with other girls these days. And I always hated the cinema. The girlfriend before me called him the VORTEX OF PAIN. I laughed really smugly thinking "Oh how could this girl be so awful..." But now the joke is on me.

From this:


To this:


But it's all cool. I was totally totally broken hearted. Then I got an email from The Mafia today. She said:

but - girl - u did e-v-er-y--h-i-n-g in the world u could do!!!!!
any other woman would have dumped him over a year ago!
and u tried!
I think it#s really tough and a sign, that you have a huge heart and lots of love and
that u can remember and u still have that. maybe that's the best of it...

And it is true. Bitch Ass Darius said something similar to me once waiting for the Eurostar that made me cry.

I got good friends. Even nameless. I got home today to find he had come over and done all my dishes. What a weirdo. But I know he still loves be.

BUT LIKE THE FLIRTS SANG FOR BOBBY ORLANDO: CALLING ALL BOYS!! IT'S OFFICIAL!! I'M SINGLE!!

I'm not the type that easily crys
But I must admit there was
a tear in my eye.
Now I know that I love
you and I'll know I'll
be true too.
Calling all boys
I'm calling all boys - I love you
I do.
Calling all boys
I'm calling all boys - I need you
I do.

No
I'm not the type that
easily swayed but I must
admit that I wanted to
stay
Yes
I know that I want you
and I'll always be
true too.
Calling all boys
I'm calling all boys - I love you
I do. . . .
Hey boys
I think your cute in
tight blue jeans and
French cut suits.
Outta sight

outta mind
your quite a catch your quite a find.
Ooh
you're slick
ooh
you're chic
you're so hot
you're so sleek.
You got class
you got style
I've wanted you all the while.
I'm not the type that
easily crys but I must
admit there was a tear
in my eye.
Now I know that I love
you and I'll know I'll
be true too.
Calling all boys
I'm calling all boys - I love you
I do. . . .



Oh HOLY SHIT... I just remembered this!!

I could make a dozen bad jokes about nameless here about who he ain't.

xx Lektrogirl

HEARTBROKEN

"7YG and Do It are united in our hatred."

Do you think they have a little cubby house over the back fence where they became blood brothers and swore an oath before burning home for tea on their bikes?

And yeah man, I am a loser.

xx Lektrogirl

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

SHIT - I just realised it has been THREE years and there I was telling everyone it was two. Never mind - inviting people to our wedding I started off telling everyone I was getting married on the 8th and not the 9th.

So basically what I am trying to say is that three years ago today Brains and I got married.


You can view the award winning Wedding Invite website as honoured by Olia Lialina's website competition.

I made this a while ago for Brains. It must have been a Valentine's Day thing or anniversary. But it was also part of Da MySpace Hustlerz art project we did for Sonar 2006.

Today I woke up and I feel totally miserable. Our marriage is revolting. I make jokes about it. But I just feel sad. I got nothing but grief from Brains' father about it, Brains' big sister and Brains' exgirlfriend about it. And today I went into the living room to say Happy Anniversary to Brains who was asleep on the sofa. He farted on me.

I don't like sad things. I love birthdays which are wonderful days. Mine is on December 1st - the first day of Summer [I'm from another country remember!] I'm just gonna look forward til then.



xx Lektrogirl

Personality transplant

God and there I was thinking I had no life. Check this out:


I have to say that before I met Prancehall, I imagined him to be a bit like this dude who made the video. I am wrong of course, and Pranny is what is termed "Internet Thug". I don't know if he has ever played Spyromania, but I have. Though my favourite is Crashbandicoot.

Oh this is a fucking awesome video with the flickering screen!!

Wow - this guy spends a lot of time playing Crash. Artist!

Anyway to sit here and watch cheats and videos of Playstation games isn't the most loserish thing I ever did. Once I did a comparative impersonation of an ink jet printer vs. a laser jet for Pippa and I was deadly serious. She hasn't let me forget it.

Oh and one more thing! This is from when Katharine met George Bush.



Katharine doesn't need a personality transplant.

xx Lektrogirl

Owner of a lonely heart

I saw XXCENSOREDXX up close the other day for the first time in ages. Everyone else must have hogged the ugly pills when he was born. XXCENSOREDXX also has very nice manners. But then I guess that is cause he is British. Who knows what he said as he walked off - I couldn't resist making a few obnoxious jokes. I suspect he though I was a dickhead.


Anyway - Speaking of love and other matters of the heart - I received a website link from my friend Drx this morning. [Drx is the one without the ponytail in Bodenstandig 2000] You have to check this link out. http://cosmic-people.com TOTALLY SPIRITUAL. And great images.

xx Lektrogirl

Holiday's Over

Yesterday I got my period in the middle of Big W and had a massive fight with my nephew in the women's underwear section over his new baseball hat he was using for a football. I'm still in Hobart until tomorrow then back up to Launceston for a day before I leave for my plane home. Sam and I have made friends, but my wages still have not cleared so I have been here totally skint unable to have much fun. Hopefully I will be in my account by the time my plane touches down at Heathrow cause I didn't bring my Oyster Card. If anyone wants to meet me there and help me get home let me know.