A PROPER UP-NON-DATE

On the night of the non-date I will take the time to write something for a change, instead of one liners or blogging a picture or something something from somewhere.

Can someone tell me what happened? I don't know what happened. I think I was a Throwawayfuck all because I was too much tough talking - but maybe I was just a Throwawayfuck - but I don't know.

It was all because of a pair of shoes in TOPSHOP. I tried them on. I kind of wanted them. But did I really? - no I didn't = because I wouldn't have thrown them down on my way to the till to buy them the first night. The following evening I went back WANTING THEM. They were blue and suede with heels and nice enough. A second before I requested my size, two teens had asked for them. There was only one pair. They sat there nursing them while the better looking one of the two tried on two sequinned gold jackets. Both jackets were horrible and looked cheap and looked really really horrible. I sat quiet and WAITED for this shoes. They were cradling the box, they were petting it. They hadn't even tried them on. I just wanted them. I left in the end totally frustrated thinking "WHY OH WHY AND WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!" Because the night I had tried on the shoes and rejected them I had been to the pub and the guy that worked there told me his girlfriend had moved out kind of randomly. I had wanted to go out on a date with this guy for the longest time.

Anyway - I just had to cut myself short there. I asked this guy out. We had a great time for about a week.

Then I had a really horrible time.

Now I am having no time.

And most of all I ask myself the question "What the fuck were you doing in TOPSHOP anyway?" It turned me into a Throwawayfuck.

But see how I didn't really want the shoes?
The man kissed like the only other Italian I kissed - straight tongue and used it like a dribbley sword. Not that hot. It improved.

As you can see, this is probably why I haven't written so much on my blog lately. My brain in like alphabet soup.

SOME GOOD THINGS COMING UP THOUGH: Parisian visitors BOOYAH!!! Maybe I go to Nantes again!!! Going to Australia in March 10 via Singapore WOOHOO!!!

Which will all go to heal the shame of being a Throwawayfuck all for the sake of a pair of TOPSHOP shoes. Bwwwaaarrrfghhh.

xx Lektrogirl

MEAN GIRL

You are possibly the most hideous person I have had the misfortune of knowing and I knew right from the second I met you that you were vile.

Speaking of other mean girls, after trying to walk the kitten on a lead [that is to say get the collar on her and drag her on her side to the back door with it] Hobart has decided payback comes in the form of clawing my new rug which I just rolled out about 15 minutes ago. All the bushels of wool that she is digging up she chews up. My payback will be laughing when she coughs up a fur ball. Then her payback will be my broken heart as I sit and watch her all stressed and worried that I have to call the Pet Ambulance. And when she is okay again I will feed her some THRIVE freeze dried shrimps.

I had a funny evening this evening with Mr 40something who had obviously had a very boozy lunch and was telling me how life was so horrible and depressing and stressful. He also said that I did nothing but take the piss out of him. But that I was also the person who was the most polite and respectful to him as well. [Aussie humour.] Then he asked me if I wanted a glass of wine. Worried he might have a sex den in his basement I said that he was welcome to bring the wine upstairs. He said he would be 5 minutes. After 35 I finished what I was doing and went home. Poor fella. He had splits in the crotch of his pants where they had worn through.

Oh - and Lady Gang alert - I'm double dog baby sitting with Mrs Kipling on Saturday night at the most luxurious flat in town. Anyone else want to come and watch the Nollywood channel and polish of a few bottles of something? The Booyah Cook may or may not make an appearance. Depends how much we want Pizza instead.

xx Lektrogirl

GRIS GRIS ANS

Just a sketch and something to do this evening.



To quote The G.A.: "Maaate, Never give in!"

xx Lektrogirl

BY A THREAD

Oh dear Allah, not feeling so hot today although my look fucking ROCKS. Leather boots, soft pleated a bit Fletcher Jones skirt, A.P.C. sweater and white collar blouse. So for as prim and proper that I look, just to let you all know I feel like dying inside. Not only that, the shop is cold and damp. I'm freezing.

I've 'enjoyed' the morning so far by updating websites, working on lameatnames etc etc and it seems that I am not the only one rocked by Internet industry. Mr Chips / Philip Thompson has now started a photo blog with his amazing work. He just keeps getting better and better. Valeria tells me that she wants to move to Jaywick because of his pictures. So please if you are cold and just not feeling it today, you can look at PHILIP THOMPSON'S PHOTOS here.

Pippa has promised that she will come in around 2.30 with a coffee. I swear - instant death if she is late. Struggling to go on. Shit and I just remember some weird dreams from the few hours sleep I had.



Well well well what have we here? This guy is a photographer I met who is still struggling with the Nokia E60 phone that takes 3 minutes to send a text. We spent quite a while discussing 3, texting, cameras etc. He is going to get an E71 because it has a camera. I told him the camera was bullshit cause it was only 3 megapixels but he didn't seem to mind. He was more thrilled he could take a picture and upload it immediately. Tyrone took the pics for the lastest Doctor Marten's campaign which I saw every morning on the way to work cause they were on the phone box I walked past, until the "DO YOU KNOW WHAT A DONKEY PUNCH IS?" posters replaced them. He has no body piercings or tattoos, clean even teeth, is 6'3" at least and a lovely smile, is employed. I don't know his current relationship status, but this isn't always important. God, I hope if he ever sees that he realises I'm only being semi serious.



Here is my desk in my office. There is just my desk in my office. And my office is a little room in a bigger room with two offices in it. I walk into my office, sit at my desk, look out the window at the big church, drink my latte [or make a tea if I was running late and didn't have time to stop], wait for my computer to start up, day dream for about two minutes, then work. I love job. I love joke. I love Sex Attack. That is a song. By Appareil.

xx Lektrogirl

SHITHEAD

I learnt a new card game today called Shithead with Jappers and Mr Chips in Finbury Park. SO MUCH FUN. I love card games and it reminded me of when I played Canasta for hours with my sister. We had the most beautiful card set with some Carmen Miranda lady on the back. The other card game we played was called Mhing. Or something.



Here is me the only time I was Shithead. Mr Chips ended up as Mega Shithead after crowing all arvo about what a champ he is and how he was going to bomb us all with his cards. And a fucking cheater!!



Here is Mr Chips totally desolate after his shameful loss searching through rubbish looking for some meaning to life. A spiritual cripple.



Some others with no dignity were these Italians who looked peaceful at this moment, but actually when Jappers and Mr Chips went to get some Doritos, they had a screaming row which disturbed my peaceful repose while I stared at the sky and dreamt of all kinds of beautiful things that you think about in summer weather. Unless you are stuck in an office with broken aircon.


Chillax to the maxxx

A long time ago I knew a man who was living in a hospital with patients living with different mental conditions. Robert was a real pain in the arse. He used to collect porn mags and display them by leaning them along his window ledge to offend the female nurses. He also stole cutlery so that he might eat in his room. It was not permitted to have such items in the rooms. All rooms were free of coat hangers, the mirrors were made from metal sheets [not very reflective] there were no shower curtains and no shower rails to tie sheets from.



I was wearing and Oeuf t-shirt [remember that label that Andrew Hartwell did?] that said HOMME MINUS on it when Robert saw me. Robert eyed me up and down and said from under his grey moustache "Oh you are one of those women are you?" I was so emo at the time I felt like crying in his face, but didn't. I'm not a real man hater. But sometimes I feel like it.

It is properly raining now. I love it after a warm day. The air smells like magic spells.

I just went searching for my old French teach at College - Mr Redeker but couldn't stalk him. He was one of my teachers who was very encouraging. He told me that I would be able to do anything I wanted, whatever that might me. I just haven't decided what I want to do yet. Someone else said the same thing today. I'm glad I haven't "lost it" after all these years.



xx Lektrogirl

POST SMOOCH

Well after being smooched to death a little while ago [but kept my lacey knickers on]and getting quite hot under the hood of my casual Ralph Lauren striped hoodie, I was only left to wonder, as I was leaning over my table trying to write a map back to the tube station whilst being manhandled, if the gent in question was an A, B, C, D or E.



xx Lektrogirl

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Sorry for any delays... this wont publish for some reason...



It was the Linen Anniversary for Nameless and I the other day. It felt like Friday the 13th had come a week early.

I walked all the way to the chemist to learn I left my wallet at home, had to go back to get it. Yawn. Stepped out the door again and twisted my ankle a bit on the step down and fumbled my footing. All the hot estate boys down the road with their tops off and grey sweat pants on cracked up laughing. Then I noticed one of them was the jerky French guy who thinks there are spirits in the house at the end of the road and just hangs around pestering the tenants.



When I was young, my Dad used to have this orange t-shirt that said 'Have A Nice Day' in big letters, with 'Until some bastard comes along and fucks it up for you' in little letters underneath. There are people who really try. I have some happy memories and they aren't ever gonna disappear. No matter what anyone tries to demand from me.

My Dad has been sending me really funny and cute texts lately so I haven't had much to update with the John Davidson Fan Club via email. He always texts on the weekend to ask if the Cardinal and I are on the piss and to tell us to have fun and to have one for him. He likes to know if we are chasing boys and if either of us get lucky. I'm looking forward to the weekend already cause I know that the dramas of this week will be over and that The G.A. will be sending me texts from his wheelchair at home.

xx Lektrogirl

THE LAZY TONGUES

Or not so lazy I should say.

My life isn't that interesting, really. Really?!

xx Lektrogirl

WHAT TIME IS IT?

Okay so I know that from looking at the clock, it is shortly after 1pm. If I look out the window though, it could be 8am, 10am, 1pm, 3pm, 5pm, 9pm. [Well not 5pm or 9pm in Winter I haven't got the heating on so I know it isn't Winter.]

Doesn't anyone else not feel completely cheated by the weather today?!

Maybe my life would be more fun if I had one of those kind of fashion blogs [just reading Susie Stylebubble et al infinitum] where I dress up and take pictures of myself. These girls always look so happy sincere, precious, intense BUT CONTENT. And much younger than me. Are there any guys who write these kinds of blogs?

I'm going down to Brindisa for for some tortilla and a coffee. Who wants to bunk off work and come too?

xx Lektrogirl

GETS UP MY NOSE

Fake ass people die


Well this is what gets up Reh Doggs nose. I haven't bothered to check up on him lately but I have to say I really love this video.

Now, I will tell you what gets up my nose:

1] the improper use of the term 'manic depression' and all it's derivatives/applications. [Alex T - what is the proper way of saying what I want there?]

So to make this clear to everyone, technically speaking, you don't mean what you think you do when you go on about being 'manically depressed'. Manic depression [apart from being a frustrated miss, just ask Jimi Hendrix] is a psychiatric condition marked by alternate periods of elation and depression. The 'manic' part actually refers to the intense elation.

2] Getting hung up on. It drives me INSANE. To the point of storming over to someone's house and pounding on their door to finish what I was saying at one in the morning.

xx Lektrogirl

TOTALLY SICKER

And sicker and sicker. Tuerlich.

My cold is progressing rapidly and today I woke up feeling even worse. Please anyone will you come over today and bring some food? Even if I don't like you I will enjoy your company and appreciate your good will.

xx Lektrogirl

USUALLY I HATE CHANGE

Yeah - I really really hate change, particularly sudden change. It really freaks me out. But, I have made a few changes to my blog you may notice.

<---- Down the left hand column
<---- Scroll down
<---- You will see a load of new menu items
<---- Including my album "I Love My Computer"
<---- To download FREE
<---- Links to my art projects
<---- And videos

I have more stuff to add but that is going to come eventually.

Anyway so too lazy to scroll and just want a quick click? You can download my album "I Love My Computer" from here for FREE.

xx Lektrogirl

I WISH IT WAS SUMMER

THE BUSH

Someone told me yesterday that they had sex with XXCENSOREDXX who has a really hairy fanny. I am really surprised by that news! I can't explain how my mind works at the best of times but a detail like someones minge I will think about for a long time. I was watching Sense and Sensibility or Pride and Prejudice or something on TV eating a FISH PIE with an added can of Tuna and chopped chicory all mushed in thinking about the news I had heard. Probably, I should have let it go.

xx Lektrogirl

KARAOKE CHALLENGE

HEY YOU!! You know who I mean!!

Thanks for giving me this... I will never sleep now.

This is OUR SONG? Well I challenge you to sing this at karaoke! Cursing me with this song was pretty heavy! LOL.

Anyway majority audience, this is one for you.

Just checking up on my buddy Babyjoker21 to see how his Christmas went. GREAT CHOICE OF TRACK. There is nothing sweeter than R Kelly with the water drop snare.
I don't think I would want to unwrap my presents after this happened in front of them. Finally I think I have been pushed to my limit with the hip rolling. Particularly when he takes his top off and you get to see that he is wearing little budgie smuggler panties with those white tracky daks and socks. The outfit is wrong. Now that XXCENSOREDXX has come clean about thinking I'm a bitch etc, there is no way I will ever get to be able to restyle Ruff Sqwad! Maybe I'm gonna have to contact these guys. [Hang on - was XXCENSOREDXX hating on me when he used my post about the Ruff Sqwad fashion commentary on his blog? Weird.

xx Lektrogirl

MOIN MOIN

I wish I could say I was awake at 5.30am because of jetlag but I got to tell you that some genius has a fucking rooster in the neighbourhood. Yesterday I accidently cut my foot. Blood etc. Still haven't seen my neice and nephews yet. I hope to make it down to Salamanca today cause my Auntie told me where I can get bakelite jewellery from. XXCENSOREDXX has banned me from talking about XXCENSOREDXX any more. I want another coffee from Jackman and McRoss. They don't open til like 7am though which is hours away. YGM. Long.

xx Lektrogirl

LIAR - 8.30pm

DJ Venom recommended I write an 8.30pm post as a nice contrast to this mornings post at 8.30am

I'm not feeling quite so full of the milk of human kindness [ergh - is that a euphamism for something else?] as I was this morning after churning out invoices all day.

And the YouTube post might be a bit random but I was looking for that Bros song LIAR to dedicate to someone, but then realise the song, like a real life liar, is aweful and I couldn't be bothered and this advert was funnier. I wonder if the boys round my neighbourhood would by a scooter from guys dressed like that?

xx Lektrogirl

DEAR BEST FRIEND

I've been listening to this Roisin Murphy song a lot lately - excuse the fucked video - there arent any on youtTube better - but there is something also amazing about the quality of it... I would normally consider this EMO lesbian music, but maybe that is where I am at the moment.

The other night, I just realised I lost my best friend. But he wasn't even a real person - he was a complete figment of my imagination. He had lied to me about himself for years. Why I didn't get out sooner I don't know - I heard him talk story to all the other people in his life, but I thought I was safe. He promised me that we would be best friends no matter what. But all of that has seem to be forgotten. I just got bullshitted by a weak person. So many of my friends have been right - they just told me to be happy the whole thing with him is over. And I am.

I have also had a realisation that makes me get all EMO and lesbian for another completely the opposite reasons. I HAVE SO MANY AMAZING REAL FRIENDS AROUND ME WHO REALLY LOVE ME. I'm really looking forward to spending my birthday with some of them in London and some of them in Hamburg and my family in Tasmania.

It is gonna be non stop party, just like this:

And just as dirty.

More later cause I have to work on my appraisals today!

xx Lektrogirl

MINT AERO

Today many things were longing me out. No internet, jobs piling up, meetings, notes. BLARGH.

BUT then something lovely happened. My number 1 assistant told me that he would take me on a date [I was whinging at lunch and he was joking] then blushed. Then I asked him to get me a chocolate bar from the shops if he really meant it. He said that I was the kind of girl who liked expensive chocoalte though. I told him that I like cheap mint chocolate and an Aero would be amazing. Number 1 assistant came back from the shops, got down on his knee and gave me the chocolate bar. He knew I was down in the dumps today. What an amazing dude. Then I asked me where he would take me on the date. He told me Paris. I asked him if he was going to take me up the Eiffel tower. Sniggers all round the office. I asked him if it was going to be a day trip or a whole weekend away. He said that it was going to depend on how hard I was to crack. Mega LOLZ. I laughed for ages about that.

Then the second amazing thing happened - XXCENSOREDXX sent me a random email! Hello! Good times.

xx Lektrogirl

NO COMMENT

LIFE IS A STEAMING BOWL OF SHIT

My father is famous for a lot of his quotes in my family, and the above was a regular in dad's catalogue. The tie in here is not about how I am feeling, but about the number of scat ref's I have had in as many days this weekend.

Superduck sent me this:

This is probably the biggest load of girlpoo ever featured on the internet and possibly in the world. Myranda Didovic (22) was constipated for little over a week due to I.B.S. when this scene was recorded.

And view images here. This is NOT for work unless you work in my office.

xx Lektrogirl

IMPROVEMENT

It's true - a new computer is definitely the way to this girls heart, a chillax on a sofa and some Pad Thai Jay. Oh and getting to bed and sleeping for a change. I also have learnt I got a lot of really supportive friends. I may die alone stinking of piss but I know my Inbox will be full of mails from people wishing me all the best. Last night I had some serious bullshit chats with Drx on Miranda - it was just like the old days - back in 2000! We discussed windabgenang (I think that is the Deutsch) and I explained to him about skid marks. The underpants variety. Good times.

Anyway - so I'm well refreshed on the number 4 into work. The house down the road that had the plain clothes cops a while ago chasing that guy with the pillow marks in his hair had three cops in uniform banging on the door in the rain. It was a bit weird last night actually - I had just got run over by the kid with the glasses on his bike (who looks like the biggest twerpy nerd but actually he is the biggest prick in the neighbourhood) and was relieved to finally make it home when down the road at the house in question, a woman saw two guys coming and raced inside and slammed the door.

Finally, I didn't know what to wear this morning so I have decided on a version of Tektonik. Now that Prancehall has finally got hoodies are out, in certain circumstances I think hoodies are definitely in. Still not with a collared shirt EXCEPT if the hoody is made from 30G cotton in a pastel colour and is worn with a white shirt and seer sucker shorts.

xx Lektrogirl

MILANO DUO

There isn't really a lot to say about Milan other than it rains a lot, the people are friendly, there is a guy who is cute who does the security to our area at WHITE, but when you look at him face on, maybe he is looking at your friend: he is really boss eyed. I have had a lot of boyf's tell me that they find that sexy in a girl. Can't say I share the predeliction. [spelling]. <--- HAHAHA JO APPS remember LAP TOP FACE/?!! I'm sitting in my hotel room at the desk in from of a big mirror checking my own laptop face - I look amazing of course.

Tonight KH has booked us a table at some restaurant that is meant to be the best fish place in town. She also booked us in there on Saturday as well. Last night was a pretty awesome joint we found by accident and I had apple sorbet for dessert. COUNTRY APPLE. That was a joke for ANTOINE CATALA. Nameless - we also have something about that too, but the one with Antoine was funnier.

Everything feels like a weird dream here - not helped by the fact I had a giant whiskey sour with Roxy after work today.

xx Lektrogirl

BLACK BY POPULAR DEMAND

I went and visited Madame Tussards the other days and saw this waxwork depicting Whitney Houston after Bobby Brown gave her the crack pipe.
Ho ho. Indeed this is the lovely Kesh from the Coconut Twins eating lunch on the stand at London Fashion Week. I heard some bad things from other people about her and so I was a bit tentative about getting to know her, but I got to say that after hanging out with her, I really like her. She cracks me up man. Well I dunno - she laughed at my jokes at least!


Here is a new t-shirt that I got off eBay. I saw it a while ago and asked Paul if he wanted it and that I would get it for him. In the meantime between that email and receiving the t, Paul has ended up in this relationship with the polyamorous curator. I'm not feeling so generous about the t-shirt any more. I dunno - I put on the t-shirt this morning to wear to work and I felt really happy. I have been crying my eyes out recently. PAUL - I WANT THE HAPPY FUCKING T-SHIRT! YOU GET ME!!?

xx Lektrogirl

OUT OF BREATH

If anyone else has got anything shit to tell me, today would be a great day to do it.

I woke up with morning with tears all over my face and aching. Totally unable to move, my heart was totally broken, I just realised I had been holding my breath for the last 8 hours in my sleep. I know that sounds lame, but anyone who is human knows about these awful feelings. So I called my Mum - tears cascading everywhere and she soon put it right.

Last night, Paul finally had to admit that he is fucking the curator. How embarrassing for them. It isn't that weird as he habitually gets together with females he thinks can further his career. His last girlfriend was bitching to him about it when they broke up, Paul and I spent 3 years arguing about it and he has just gone and done it again. It also isn't a surprise cause I was saying to Roxy and Kellie just down at LFW walking along the tunnels to South Kensington tube - I ALREADY KNOW - I just dont want to be the last TO KNOW. Paul and I are tight though and he tells me everything. He is also really easy to pump for the juice! OMG it was like totally XXCENSOREDXX!!! Philippa!! Where are you!?? Come back from Florida!! I need to go for a Sunday Roast with you...

I don't feel that bad about this new stuff going on. Paul is a loser and even he is the first to admit it. He also admits he was a shit husband but that I was an amazing wife who really did a great job. Yo! Big ups me. The thing that was totally weird was just before he went home, all the feelings I should have experienced on my wedding day about the amazingness of being married to someone you love so much just went through me. I never let myself feel like that ever cause I was always more worried about the day he was going to dump me. Nevermind - Paul and I did everything back to front.

Now! I really got to get ready for work! Being down in the tents for LFW is totally bizarre and you see some incredible [in every way that word can be applied] looking people. It is funny watching the Eley Kishimoto catwalk shows too cause in the background behind the models, sitting in the front row are Max and Pippa with Joe and Duke on their knees. Really hilarious. Yesterday I was watching the telly on the phone to Pippa giving her a blow by blow account "now you are scratching your ear.... Now you are REALLY sticking your finger right in there. Oh my God! the look on your face!!! you really hate that dress!!!!"

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. All flowers and condolences for my broken heart please send to Paul to make him feel bad. All guys look for a hot date email me! I am not splitting my income any more with anyone else so I can take you to dinner somewhere real good.

And Koyote - I think I got dumped another time right now...

WATCHED BY THE CLOCK

Oh God the clock is ticking and not even that, the power adapter for my laptop is broken and the battery is running dead.

SO MUCH HAS BEEN HAPPENING! I've been checking the samples and measuring all the prints match specs, taking photos and writing comments. I've been organising samples for a shoot, ordering in catering, packing boxes, preparing to go away for Paris, trying to deal with incoming orders, JoJo leaving to have a baby, picking through photos for lookbooks and line sheets. I'm too tired. I wish I had the time and energy to upload all the pics I have and tell you all about the shoot on Sunday we did and the excellent pics Alex Sturrock took and the hilarious and hot models we had, getting to see Becky Seager again who loved a dirty gossip about all kinds of hideous things - mostly grotty sex and getting drunk - in between singing old rave tunes which the Little Witch Molly and I enjoyed immensly

Sarah Lee has sent me a gang of hot photos from Shop At Maison B as well of Pippa in the new Eley Kishimoto clothes. I didn't even have time to stop and chat with her properly last time I saw her [to spunk money on two new woollie SONIA hats and a SONIA top with gros-grain ribbon details.]

Everybody wish me well and I hope to get the chance to update my blog over the next week. I hope you are all well and making lots of hot gossip.

xx Lektrogirl

BLOGGER SHY

I'm feeling a bit better lately - I have just been so miserable for a lot of reasons but I think some of thema are working out nicely.

Something that was not nice was the dream about Prancehall I had the other night. He had invited me to come and DJ at something and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to bring all these dismembered pig body parts in giant clear plastic bags as well as my records and there I was struggling to carry everything and my hands slipping on the grease and Prancehall kept bumping into all these girls who looked like they just walked out of Nuts who were all over him. Just FYI I do dream about other people. Occasionally. Anyway - so it wasn't a bad dream just a weird one. And it wasn't so bad that the Nuts girls featured prominently cause I don't mind cause I got my own fans.


Here I am wearing the red Kangol just so I can be like Teki Latex pretending to be Armand Van Helden. I also pretend to be this Nigerian cab driver that I get sometimes from the local cab firm when I wear it. Depends on the rest of the outfit.
Anyway definitely a picture for the fans. Any more requests, just ask.


Having a good coffee drinking partner is also a great cheer up every morning and every afternoon of every working day. Look at what Cissi made me. A beautiful coffee. I feel just like a lady.


That is Cissi in the background in the red dress. Alice is holding her home grown apple in her hand. It really is a beautiful apple. It is a cute picture with that old Katharine Hamnett t-shirt and grass John Smedley / KH 100% Organic Cotton Cardigan.


And in other t-shirt news, here is one I got for Paul for his birthday but I couldn't wait so I gave it to him early.

Finally the random news round up - look out for news in VICE about Brains and his soca collaborations [it might be just one line but look there anyway], we went to dinner with Max at Aldo's tonight and the less fat guy was wearing a Trattoria Da Aldo SWEATSHIRT that I have never seen before, orders are amazing for the KH stuff and I'm busy at work - I'm mega hyped about all the samples of the t bodies that came in - MEGA HYPED, my mother sent me 1kg of AUSTRALIAN Milo which arrived at work today - BOOYAH, I got a new bra from Princesse Tam Tam in Crazy Yellow and I also got a new t-shirt.

xx Lektrogirl

SHAME

JoJo just showed me her new milking bra which is kind of gross but also really amazing like an old 50's bra. But where the shame lies is I was sitting at one end of the room and was trying to do something lewd at Roxy and JoJo turned round from the fax machine and said across the whole room "I just saw your minge. Aren't you wearing any knickers." Then I had to prove to the whole room I was. I apologised profusely to JoJo but still I felt a bit shamed.

One I was so drunk I ended up walking along Oxford Street in nothing but a red thong [this was like 10 years ago] cause I was changing my clothes on the way to somewhere else. Shame of that situation was some guy shouted "Put your tits away." My friend who I was with at the time, Dan Moss and I ended up staggering around to Rathbone Place, me getting dressed, hailing a cab, me puking in the cab, Dan having to scrub the cab out and pay a fine of £50 and then me passing out back at Dan's house. Oh those were the days. It is all glamour here.

xx Lektrogirl

LOOK MUM NO HANDS!

Mum called this morning just as I was thinking of her, while I was in the kitchen making a cup of tea. I thought of her cause I trod on something that reminded me of an umbilical cord from one of our old dog Winnie's puppies. Winnie was a great dog. My sister still has the plaster cast of Winnie's leg and this is like maybe 14 years ago. The cast isn't very big. Winnie was a corgi. So - there is Mum chatting away telling me that one of the teachers at her school was checking out my MySpace page and Flickr for some project for her class and then Mum started going on about this blog. I was like "Oh god Mum PLEASE don't read my blog." And she was like "Yes some of it is quite shocking." And I was like "But I write it and don't imagine you are reading it. I don't think you and your friends are going to sit there and read it. I write like it is all the stuff me and Dad used to talk about in the garage. Boys's talk." And she was all like totally casual "Oh God Emma, you've always been like that. Don't worry." So now I'm not. I didn't bring up the time she and my sister quoted sections of my journal back to me over the dinner table when I was 17 [see it was at this moment I realised there was no point to having any shame.] I also didn't was to mention either that she was part of the most embarrasing moment of my life envolving me, my ex boyfriend Nick Dunn and making eye contact with her through the bedroom window at a rather crucial moment... Talk about getting instantly floppy [if I was a guy.]

So, HI MUM!! How you doing? How cold is it in Tassie? Hope you keeping your map o' Tas warm! Do your headlights go on when you go outside. Herrrr herrrr herrrr.

Check me out in Bahrain in 1997!!


Those were the sneakers in the background that cost £120 which was A LOT in those days. Sneakers were never that much then.

Mum, I know you are proud of me whatever I do, even if what I do isn't what most people want their daughters to be doing. I'm proud of you when you told the bank to get stuffed cause you didn't want to wear tights.

xx Lektrogirl

DANIEL WHERE ARE YOU et al.

Here I was in the Shopgirl Damart office about 8 years ago. Just FYI, they are Earl Jean skinny 29 inch waist jeans. I would have toruble getting an arm in the leg now.

In this picture, I am wearing a jumper that is called Frenchy. That jumper features in a song on the album I wrote released on Rephlex as Lektrogirl. It also used to belong to my old boyfriend Daniel.

Daniel de Jong and I were together when I was living in Tasmania in 1997-98 and I regret to this day ever breaking up with him. I still have the plaster chess pieces his Uncle carved as practise scrimshaw. I regularly Google Daniel to find out what he is up to. All I have been able to confirm is that the rumours about him hand making guitars is true. Daniel - if you ever read this, I was vile and I'm sorry. Walking around the Cornelian Bay Hockey fields with you was some of the best times I had. And there are still some of your records I wish I knew the sames of...

I broke up with Daniel after sleeping with a guy called "Slack Nuts". When he lay face up on the bed with his legs apart his nut sack was actually resting on the mattress. He said part way through like "I want to be your protector." Suffice to say it was a one night thing.

Then I went out with this guy:

Monsieur Dimanche. Going out with him was a massive mistake BUT his is a hilarious person and I had a lot of fun with him. Good times. He just wasn't a good choice of boyf for me. I hear he is very happy in America now dating some girl he calls The Midget. Oh Antoine is a great dancer! So funny!! We were always make trouble together.


Then this is the guy I married:

Which I still don't know if it was a good or bad thing.

Today I'm spending my Saturdy afternoon doing book kepping in the Katharine Hamnett studio. On the way here though I stopped off at the second hand shop. I'm not going to tell you which one cause that would be giving away some vital information top secret but to every girl in this office. I mean - already a lot of people know it, but why invite more. I didn't need to go there cause Katharine gave me the jacket I was eyeballing all week that she bought back from Dalston cause I loved it so much. Katharine is the sweetest most generous person sometimes. And JoJo bought back the most BEAUTIFUL brooch on earth for me. But it might have been cause I made an old man happy. Private Joke. Anyway I bought 5 dresses at the 2hand shop - one of which is an Austrian dirndl. My tits look massive. Well I guess I won't get a German boyfriend wearing one...

I gotta get back to work

xx Lektrogirl

HEAVY HEARTEDNESS MAKES ME HAPPY

After work I went out with some friends and some things happened that made me feel a bit sad because of some changes going through their lives. It made me think of the times I was dating Monsieur Raide. It made me think of when I was married to Saucepan Handle. It made me think of Ocho Choco. It made me think of Mumu. I was also totally sauced on wonderful cocktails from Hawkmoor. Nicely drunk but a bit of sorrow. But this sorrow was also kind of nice. I felt like I spent the evening surrounded by real people. I felt like the number of people I know with a real pulse is increasing. Which might feel a bit weird for the people I am talking about to know, but really, I need this. I need real people. I'm nearly 35 but I'm still finding my way.

In other news:
Chorley came to work today and modelled a tote bag for Katharine to see how gay he looked. I told him to be at work at 9am tomorrow, but really there is little chance I will be there. I wonder if he will do it? I spent some time trying to use my new stupid phone. It is really mondo retardo. I need to sleep.

xx Lektrogirl

RAMIRO

A nice picture from Michelles Flickr.

SLUMBER PARTY

SCRABBLE ASSHOLE

Just back from The Star where Paul and I had dinner and had a game of Scrabble waiting for our orders to arrive. Paul is pretty terrible at Scrabble and he also got dealt some bad letters. A couple of times I helped him out. I also let him put some letters back in the pool and draw more. So he won. And then made out to Prancehall on his stupid new internet phone thing chatting away that he beat my by 50 points as though he was a genius. What an asshole. Even so, it was a chillax evening. The best thing was the dessert we shared - grilled nectarines with amaretto and praline icecream.

Anyway, here is an old story from Switzerland:



xx Lektrogirl

A note about my father

About the G-Spot.

One day I received a telephone call from my father about this matter. The conversation went like this.
Dad: Im just ringing to tell you I have a copy of Gray’s Anatomy in my hand and after 75 years I’ve just learnt where the woman’s clitoris is.
Me: Oh really? [not sure where my old man is going with this]
Dad: In fact, right now I could put my finger out and touch it if I wanted to.
Me: Errr… [should this be freaking me out? Still not sure]
Dad: And the G-Spot. I could get your mother and touch her right on it if she would have a bar of me.
Me: [Phew, no worries.] Dad if you’ve been married to mum for this long and you only just found where her clitoris is I’m not surprised she won’t let you within an inch of her.
With that Dad hangs up the phone laughing till he coughs up phlegm.