IM A FLUFFY GIRL

xx Lektrogirl

STRONG LOOK

And don't give a fuck what anyone says.

Possibly my top YouTube video for Jan 10.

xx Lektrogirl

LOVE IS A WINDING ROAD

And it is a shame when everyone else finds out about it...

xx Lektrogirl

SORRY

Sorry about that - I've have been off the radar!

But, I went to a big gay sweatbox on the weekend with some friends and found myself in the middle of the dancefloor after giving birth to Ed Hardy next to a guy in an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt and three girls with a bottle of poppers. Spiritual moment of Mare Street and I find myself reborn.



The old me was in a terrible shape. I was a caterpillar of duvet and Namelesses old hoodie he got from the guy who ended up sleeping with his ex even though he said "Bros before hoes". I was watching endless cop shows nourished by cups of tea and phonecalls from my lady friends who wanted to see me through a dark patch.



The Italian, after coming over on Friday night and leaving me with a kiss and a see you later love and feeling all happy in my stomach, sent me a text on Tuesday saying "I don't need a new job, a girlfriend and friends take months even years. Please do me a favour and give me a break."

• He was calling me asking me how to teach him something.
• I had already told him twice "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now" [meaning HIM in particular but hanging out and being friends with him was super fun, though he didn't know that directly.]
• And I have known this guy for about 2 years.

Then AIR PIE from him for the whole week after trying to find out WTF that was all about!

My cleaner Dora settled me down to a few home truths:

• You dress like an African woman.
• God took this man out of your life because you have everything - a house, a job, a computer, the internet, money, your things, friends, you are a nice person - and all you need is someone to love and care for you. He is too stupid to even do that so God took him out of your life.
• You need to have more fun. Look at your friends [meaning The Cardinal cause she goes round there too.] She always is having fun. I see all the wine glasses. You need to have fun.
• The man you are looking for is out there searching for you.

Then the two coolest people in Paris arrived.



Hobart unfortunately turned into a shit machine all weekend. Unbelievable.

xx Lektrogirl

LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY

I sat next to a girl dinner last night and she has had sex with a women. I
asked her what it is like to eat a girl out. She told me that after getting
over how gross it is, it is much easier than giving a guy a blow job. She
said that basically with a girl, it is like having a giant smooch for a
while. Where is with a guy it can be be really hard work and become really
mechanical and monotonous. Interesting! Can't say though that I'm gonna try
it out any time soon. The only pussy I wanna get near is Hobart and her cute
little face.

xx Lektrogirl

GRIS GRIS ANS

Just a sketch and something to do this evening.



To quote The G.A.: "Maaate, Never give in!"

xx Lektrogirl

PREGNANCY DOLLS

Read all about them here at one of my favourite blogs, Morbid Anatomy.

THE LADYGANG

I love us.

xx Lektrogirl

JE SUIS PAS CERTAIN

Is it? Is it?
Philippa made a good point about the houses.

What a nice weekend. I deserved it. But I used to live in an emotional vaccuum. Anything expressive was forbidden or laughed at. And this is the opposite. And I feel like Alice in Wonderland in the room to small and the table too big.

Valeria where are you? I need to talk about nothing.

xx Lektrogirl

COMIC BAKERY

Oh yeah and I wanted to mention this site cakefarts.com that Manara sent me this morning.

That one is for you Mum.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. And I got my period about 15 minutes ago. How can I tell one of my best friends I got all worked up and had a 'talk' then deleted him all over some fucking PMT without looking like some EMO loser?! I guess I will wait a couple weeks and make up some other excuse... God. >>>!!HH!!MM!!LL<<<

DINNER WITH THE GIRLS

Guys - this is a real girls post so maybe look away.

Ends again in a fucking hangover... WHY?!

Cocktails at The Diner. Which aren't even that great - but I like the Fame and Fortune and the close proximity to my work. So two of those with Lee and a long wait for our table and for The Cardinal to show her face. IN THE SAME DRESS I BOUGHT LAST WEEK and wore on my dinner date with The Swede. We laughed cause our Venn Diagram doesn't often cross with clothes. We can never pick outfits for each other. Lee was wearing a shirt I had seen tho. And Abbie was wearing a great cardigan. Which turned out to be Lee's.

DEHESA
25 Ganton Street
London
Tel: 0207 494 4170

Server: Viola
Table: 15/1
Guests: 3 [which actually became 5]

Pittacum Bottle 29.50 [INCREDIBLE red!!]
Palacio / Glass 3.95
Padron Peppers 3.75 [Cardinal and I felt the pain!]
Boquerones 3.25 [Felt sorry I had to share]
Spanish Hams 8.75
Pork Belly 6.25 [the Cardinals fave]
Crispy Squid 5.75 [prefer Yauatcha truth be known]
Gnocchi x2 8.00
Sour Dough 2.50
Nastro x 3 8.85
Cod Croquette 4.75
3 Manchegos 7.25
Santigo Tart 5.00
Roast Pear 5.00

Subtotal 103.35
Gratuity 12.79
Total 116.14

Thank you for your custom.
Please visit us again soon.
www.dehesa.co.uk
VAT: 853 644 215


This was my desert. Roast Pear, Honeycomb, Lavender Ice Cream. Don't cry cause I didn't share it with you.

PHIL THE PHOTOGRAPHER

My friend Phil [Mr Chips] has been using a camera to take pictures that I think Sanna got him from the charity shop. He has been running black and white film in it and I have been checking out his pictures with great delight. Every time he uploads a new set, his picture - particularly those of women - are just full of a nice magic.



It is true that 'reducing' everything to black and white can hide a multitude of sins and suddenly make things look like 'art' but I personally think what is the most powerful thing about Phil's pictures is the dialogue between himself and his subjects. These are not 'models' or just 'shitty friend snaps'.



I guess Phil is just lucky to have so many female friends who are comfortable in his company.



And because of that, he seems to be able to make all the women beautiful. And I find that all the other pictures of men - the pictures seem devoid of the same kind of commitment to the subject, or that subject is more disconcerted by the camera. I dunno what it is.

Compare this:


to this:


It just isn't the same.

The other thing I love about Phil's ability to engage with his subject and in turn tell a story with the image is how he can turn something totally inanimate into something magnificent







Anyway - I think Phil is my new favourite photographer. If you want to check out his other pictures, here is his Flickr. [rated - SFW].

CONSUMER COMPLAINT

Dear Ms Chanel

I wanted to write a letter of complaint to you regarding two maquillage products I have purchased from one of your concessions recently, in Selfridges.

Based on the fact that the two 'rouge a lèvres' I purchased were similar to a Christian Dior lipstick I had stolen from me a while ago, I felt confident with the assurances from the marketing of your brand with the two colours I walked out of the store with would be more than adequate to mend my broken heart.

However I am bitterly disappointed on the performance of your product. My Christian Dior lipstick in Indian Red, even though was years old had maximum coverage, staying power and an intensity of colour that made all men turn in the street. Both lipsticks I bought from you - Passion and New York Red - are greasy, slippery, bleed and last about 20 minutes before needing another application.

My Christian Dior lipstick was not an impotent monkey dick or a weasley dog's dick of a product and I am indeed inferring that your products are both those things... in fact... maybe even of lesser standing. I rue the day I decided to choose your product over Yves Saint Laurent - which even if the lipstick had been of equal quality, at least it comes in packaging which makes carrying a compact mirror obsolete.

Going forward I shall never be wearing stands of pearls, linking my C's as I doodle on notepads while on the phone or considering getting a chin length bob with a tan.

Yours with a bitter fair well

Emma Davidson

P.S. I'm only bitching about the make up and not the wicked slides I have - they are still rocking!

WHAT'S HAPPENIN' ?

Well not a lot. I have been working on a couple of websites, went for lunch and had the usual omelette at Archgate, photographed some tumbleweave on the way, came home, had a sleep, missed the opening ceremony of the Olympics, made a couple of videos for Mr Chips on Facebook, ate some guacamole on Dr Karg's Emmental and Spelt crackers and gave myself a stomach ache. Tonight I am not going out because it is the NEW SERIOUS - SERIES LOL - of LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT at 10pm. Not even the world's worst period cramps, worry about menopause coming and dying without ever having children will stop me from getting excited about that.

In other news, Archway station was closed today cause of a person under a train. There was one emergency response van, three fire trucks and about five ambulances and cop cars everywhere. Serious business.

xx Lektrogirl

DARK ROOM CHILLAXXX

Yerrr so I realise I am in a hiphop time warp back in 2001 but you know - that year was good! That was back when I was still buying CD's, the sun was hot, and the kids in the neighbourhood were singing "Smoke weed everyday" as they cruised around in cute pink tracksuits and clean reebok shell suits. They all have kids now, the tracksuits don't look quite so sexy and the guys have long hair, headbands and dark red bags under their eyes. I guess they took it literally.

Poking fun at them I have to admit that I look as ravaged as one of those playas this morning as I spent the night tossing and turning not able to sleep properly and waking up with sore nipples and a painful spot on my face that will give give agony but come to nothing. Obviously I am not reaching menopause just yet. I am so tired though I had to shut myself into a dark room for a little while and listen to Snoop Dogg and remember the sun [there are no windows here today] while I crave a roast beef, horseradish and watercress sandwich on fresh white bread.

Yesterday was my first attempt at Choux Pastry and I made Cream Puffs for two of my favourite men in the world who congratulated me on my efforts. I was so happy. It was real job satisfaction. I will post the recipe I used - sadly there are no picture cause I ran the battery down trying to make a video of it but even that didn't work cause the batteries ran out half way through. I can either be domestic goddess or techy whizz - just not both at the same time it seems.

xx Lektrogirl

SERIOUS MOMENT

The Cardinal and I spent some time tonight wondering if it was wrong to even go on a play date with a married man. I told her this is a question we need to address at our age as it will soon become relevant.



Speaking as a woman who was once married who was play dated on by her husband, I would say it is pretty tough when the news breaks. But then in my situation, the couple were actually banging. Which is why I got so pissed off. I am also one of the most jealous people on the planet you could possibly meet. [Except I had an epiphany about this yesterday and I realised I didn't want to be jealous any more and I spent today with a lifetime of jealousy about things just passing through me - experiencing it all again. Weird.]



I still remember some advice my best friends' mother gave me when I was 18 or 19: "If you can't get your own, steal someone else's." But that isn't a play date.

So play dates with married men - I don't know.



I just know that my love life isn't as rubbish as I make it out to be - there is some magic in the air - even if there is a lot of room for improvement. I dreamt someone was the archetype for all men last night. It was a super intense spiritual dream that came out of the thunderstorm.



Who knows what the future brings.

xx Lektrogirl

WZUP BITCHES

Phleeze re-evaluate that shit





xx Lektrogirl

ULTIMATE WEIGHTLOSS

The other day, Jo Apps showed me this website sensibleunits.com and I was trying to work out my weight in average domestic cats for her. Only I didn't know how much I weigh - I never bother about stuff like that at all. So I was guessing like 90-95 kilograms. That is:

* 19 average domestic cats.
* 13 men's shotputs.
* 5.3 microwave ovens.

Today, I went into the pharmacy and had to pick up a prescription and noticed that there were some electronic scales in there. I weighed myself [shoes, jeans, t-shirt and Ralph Lauren sweat all on] and was surprised that at 5'10" I was coming in at 81.2 kilograms. That is:

* 49 average physics textbooks.
* 16 average domestic cats.
* 11 men's shotputs.
* 4.5 microwave ovens.

In a matter of days, I have lost the equivalent of 3 DOMESTIC CATS!! Wow!! What a diet!!

To celebrate, I went to McDonalds and had my favourite item on the menu - the 3 piece chicken strips meal [regular]with Curry Sauce and an orange juice and read the Metro paper. Cause I would hate to think I was really gonna loose too much weight and one of my favourite assets [LOLZ what a pun]

Oh GOD LOLZ!

THE WEIRDEST LADY

xx Lektrogirl

RUDIE NUDIE SHOW

So, my life is boring but I always find good juice on the internet. I would like you to all sit back and scroll through my latest online exhibition called 'RUDIE NUDIE SHOW' which is a collection of nude photos I have collected from eBay and Flickr.

WARNING: NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK!!
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buschos.jpg

[I was actually bidding on this picture for quite a while but it got to be more than I would spend.]


strumpftorso.jpg



untitled-1.jpg, untitled-2.jpg, untitled-3.jpg, untitled-4.jpg


narcissus.jpg


snap26.jpg

And finally, in a special section in the gallery we have this exclusive exhibition from what I believe to be an astounding photographer. This pictures are so amazing! I cannot tell you how much I love them.









BRILLIANT!!

Okay so house is on now. Later dudes.

xx Lektrogirl

SAPPHIC THUGS

If there was ever any doubt in your minds before, here is the evidence that Cardinal and I 100% cell block girlfs from the wrong side of the border.

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Full report from the weekend activities after I have finished designing a splash page for a website I'm working on.

THE NIGHT CAP

It is getting late - so here is one for the road.



Nice fluffy "public hair" effect.

xx Lektrogirl

FIRST AIDE

Originally this post was intended to be a guide to the parents of daughters about to go through the physical and emotional changes of puberty. Basically, this is still the aim. But in the course of writing its scope has widened, as clearly the years of puberty cannot be singled out for examination as if the remaining years of adolescence are completely separate and independent. Puberty is the first stage of adolescence, and possibly the most vital.


It is one of the failings of society that we are generally fairly ignorant about how our bodies work. Such ignorance can be positively dangerous where the mental and physical health and well being of a growing girl are concerned. I have yet to find an 11 or 12 year old girl, no matter how fully instructed on her sexual development she may be, who does not seek reassurance that what is happening to her is perfectly normal.


SIGNS OF PUBERTY:
The beginning of breast enlargement, together with the darkening of the nipples are the earliest signs of puberty in girls. Pubic hair is another clear sign. Some girls are embarrassed by their developing figures, other greet the process with great delight. Hair will begin to appear on the legs and under the arms. Now is the time for you to discuss with your daughter the values of involved in removing the hair from legs and under arms. Once you have done this, point out to her the various ways of hair removal and the use of deodorant preparations.


Although the first days of her period may not be an ideal time for a girl to go horseback riding or to undertake any strenuous sport, if she normally takes part in these activities then she should continue to do so.
Water is in no way harmful during menstruation. Your daughter can swim, wash her hair, bathe and shower as normal. In fact it is advisable that she learns early to take good care of herself when she is menstruating. Be careful not to suggest that menstruation is either dirty or disgusting.
Discuss with your daughter the use of tampons and sanitary pads, then leave the final choice to her. Making such decisions will let her feel she has some control over her body.


The hands of time cannot be turned back. Try as you might, you cannot bring up your daughter in the way your parents might have done. Families live vastly different lifestyles from those lived twenty years ago; sexist roles within marriage have changed; children's roles within a family have changed; the opportunities offered by the world to your daughter have changed from those that were offered to you.
You simply cannot afford to let your own standards and view stagnate. This does not mean that you have to lower your principals. But you have to learn to adapt them.
One of the most exasperating aspects of parenting a teenager is that by the time you have adjusted to what is 'in', it is 'out'. But you'll be greatly assisted if you remember that the trendy things - the jargon, the fashion gimmicks, the pop groups, and so on - are all very superficial. One of the reasons that they are important to your teenager is because they differ from the conventional, and are therefore something you probably do not approve of!


Probably one of the most disturbing aspects of puberty is what seems to be a sudden desire for independent thought in their daughter. She begins to question and often disagree and argue. But what parents regard as cheating and dishonesty may not appear to be as such to her. This attitude can drive some parents into near panic. They cannot work out where they have gone wrong, nor why their daughter no longer seems to have any respect for authority or any sense of personal responsibility. Rather than panicking, I would suggest an honest appraisal of your values and those of your daughter.
This is the era of the clever deal, the canning tax dodge and the bending of the truth. You only have to tune into the electronic media or read a newspaper to be aware of this. When youngsters grow up in such an environment, it follows that they are less ashamed of cheating and prouder of 'getting away with it'. The shame today lies in getting caught, not the act of dishonesty itself.


Teenagers are expensive, but they are not some luxury you can decide to forego. If you get down to the facts and figures, you will probably find your teenage daughter eats more than anyone else in the household [unless you also have teenage sons]; uses more electricity and hot water than anyone else; and runs up a major percentage of the phone bill.
It is my opinion that it is preferable for a teenager to be given a set amount of money to handle each week than to be handed $5 or so upon request. It is no good to hand over the money you think is adequate - both parents and daughters need to be able to sit down and discuss what the money is meant to cover and how much these items cost. By the time she is a teenager it is a good idea to allow her to manage the money necessary for snacks, books, records, hobby and sporting costs, and entertainment


CLIQUES:
To the adolescent and sub-adolescent, cliques can be just as time-and-emotion-consuming as crushed on an individual - particularly to the insecure girl. But until a teenager learns the social skils which enable her to feel comfortable with people who are different from hrself, the cliques is an obvious haven.

LUCKY MAIL DAY

I've been off work for a week and there are another two weeks to go. What is better to brighten then dark days than some BANGING treats that have come in the mail!?

My postman is unfortunately a really strange looking Fanta Pants. A bit like Ian off Shameless, with super red hair and red skin. I opened the door to him the other morning in my PJ's and witches hair and saw his skin has not improved since I saw him last. He handed me a little box all the way from Germany - Drx and Olia! What could it be?


An F... Dog of course! What exactly the F... could possibly mean I don't know. But this is the best USB stick I have been given in my life. [To be fair, it is the only one.] Sadly, there is no loop for a lanyard which is the only fault to find with this product but I shall be so happy to carry him in my Marc Jacobs zip purse in my Marni bag and let him out for a run whenever I need to transfer information.

I'm a little bit horrified by my nails in that picture - but this is all because the grouting is finished.


I just put up all the mosaic tiles. I'm not responsible for the big ones. I have also cleaned the walls about 1000 times to get rid of all the excess grout. That shit gets everywhere.

What I wore clubbing in the 90's to Rephlex Raves with Nike ACG trainers, camo army surplus jackets, a fluorescent pink Speedo swimming costume, combat trousers and neon eye shadow has become a home decorators stable fashion garment. These tracky-daks were from Primark on Kilburn High Road when there were still IRA bomb stores getting discovered there. The Verve were my next door neighbours and Brian Eno lived a few doors down. Sometimes we'd see Bono popping in to his studio for a visit.

So back to my mail box:




The long awaited 7" from Mash Gordon released on Les Armees des BonBons - another present from The Fatherland. I was super happy to receive this. I have heard that the guys are recording a new album this year in their Dresden studio. So cool. In summer maybe I will go visit them. I remember when I visited in winter last time - I had my headlights on 24/7. And I don't mean on a car.

I was also happy to see that Sish-Tick has done the cover for the record. I first saw the work of Sish-Tick when first met Mash Gordon.




Why is it always have such babe hair in photos but in real life it looks like the tail end of a witches broomstick?

And finally BIG UPS TO PAUL GORMAN with his book The Look which documents British Fashion and it's life with music from all the way back from the 50's to today. His book has made it to the top 10 books on British Fashion in the Independant.

The Look Blog is also always and interesting read!

xx Lektrogirl

P.S. Watched the Real Life FBI files last night about a serial murderer and rapist. Could help but think of this anti rape condom Covvo sent me the link for.

Oh and how great am I? I blogged about the Australian dude below with the sunglasses that are "too famous" who wrecked his neighbourhood before it was even on the Channel 4 news.